Say You Won't Let Go
by CaliAngel89
Summary: Sequel to Bringing Her Home. Piper and Alex are now left with the Herculean task of rebuilding their lives and relationship after the trauma they've been through. Can Alex find the courage to be honest with herself and Piper? Can Piper step up and offer Alex the support she needs to survive and thrive? Can both women learn to be honest and open without fear? AU OOC
1. My, How the Tables Have Turned

**A/N: Welcome to the sequel of Bringing Her Home. This story can stand-alone as well. Here's more of our favorite couple as they try to figure out what they want out of life and how to be honest about their needs. Marriage, homeownership, babies and all the stuff of domestic Vauseman ahead...let me know if there's anything you'd like to see...I have a rough plan for the story and the ending but am open to suggestions along the way (And Nicky will be involved but it won't be until at least five chapters in)...This story will mainly be from Alex's pov but the fly is still hanging out on the wall so there's the possibility to see Piper's pov.**

_I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed_

_I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head_

_And I'll take the kids to school_

_Wave them goodbye_

_And I'll thank my lucky stars_

_For that night_

Alex and Piper were sitting on her bed on a lazy late Sunday morning, Alex with Piper's laptop resting on top of her grey sweatpant covered legs while the blonde was surrounded by notes on lined paper and a stack of thick law books. The brunette had been home for two weeks and was getting used to living in the world again, even if sometimes she felt she hadn't really gotten out of prison so much as gotten a new cellmate and a new warden all rolled up in one person. Piper was overprotective and overly concerned with how she was coping. She needed to constantly know where Alex was at all times. Even when Alex swore that she was doing okay, Piper never seemed to believe her. If Alex were being honest than she would need to admit that most of the time her beloved was right, she was not okay. Being okay two weeks after the four-plus years of trauma she had endured was impossible. She also doubted the world would give her a second chance and that she even deserved one if anyone were willing to offer one.

So here she was trying to concentrate on making a resume for a virtual bookkeeping position and working on the website Piper had bought her so she could start her own consulting and bookkeeping firm when all she wanted to do was fuck Piper to stop the swirling mania in her brain for a moment. She needed a distraction, a high to chase to feel alive. She knew a life of quiet Sundays sharing space with Piper, both doing what they needed to do to feel whole, was everything she wanted. However, she was so used to being denied her needs let alone her wants and now that she had everything that she could ever want, she struggled to accept that this was forever, that she should have this life. She knew the only long-term solution would be to talk, for her to give Piper the honesty she both demanded and deserved but she always made an excuse. Right now, her excuse was the midterm Piper had at ten am the next morning.

Meanwhile, Piper was lost in concentration with scattered notebooks and handouts and a stack of thick legal textbooks surrounding her. She was seemingly immune to every time the brunette tried to distract her by rubbing her hand up her thigh or squeezing her breast.

Alex couldn't believe the younger woman's ability to resist her charms. In her younger years, she would have been completely incredulous that any woman could resist her but now she knew her inability to understand the most superhuman of Piper's abilities was, in fact, a reflection on her complete lack of ability to resist Piper. All the blonde had to do was exist and Alex's heart thumped out of her chest as moisture pooled between her thighs, waiting for the blonde's adept tongue to come and soak every last drop of it up because anything less would never be enough. 99.9% of Alex accepted that, however, there was just that point one percent of her brain that craved power and feared submission. But that point one percent was what Piper needed the most. So instead of trying to distract her with sex, she chose to offer her a bit of comfort and help her concentrate on her studies better. The brunette reached out a hand while still balancing the laptop with her other and began rubbing the tension out of her slumped shoulders. She could feel her stressed fiancé's muscles begin to relax as she shifted her neck to guide Alex's hand to where she needed it most.

"Hi, baby. You want me to make you some tea? Or I could order some food. I'm craving carne asada or ribs from that one place we went to the other night," she said sweetly when she had her fiancé's attention.

"Get them both," Piper sighed contentedly.

"You think it might be time to take a study break soon?"

"I'm not in the mood, Alex. I can't be at your beck and call all the time like when I was twenty-three. I went out and made my own life, it just happens to have an Alex-sized space in it."

"I know that, babe. Believe me, I want that. I want to watch you achieve your dreams and support you along the way. And I'm not trying to get sex."

"You, Alex Vause, not trying to get sex? That would be a first."

"You know what they say."

"What's that, Alex?"

"There's a first time for everything. I just want some help with the bio on my resume. Please, wifey? I'll let you watch that one movie with the sexy shirtless guys even though I know I'll be bored watching you swoon over hot guys and imagining their even harder cocks for two hours."

"Well, look who is asking for help fudging a resume now. My, how the tables have turned, Vause."

"Cocky asshole much, Pipes?"

"Hey, if you don't like me being an independent woman, you know where the door is."

"If only you weren't so hot poring over the finer points of evidentiary procedures and legal precedents for hours on end than I might. I'm here because I love you and I need you. I could sit here and watch you study for hours and not be bored. I love that little triangular crease between your eyes when you are concentrating hard. I look at who you've become and smile because I know I had even the smallest part in you becoming the amazing woman you are."

"You had more than a small part."

"Then prove it. Now it's your turn to use what I've taught you and help me reach my potential."

"I really need to study. Tomorrow's exam is known in the program to be one of the hardest of all the classes. This semester is kicking my ass. I have to keep my grades up. Besides, they expect more out of me than the other students because I have a degree from a top private college. I get graded harder than anybody else and I only have a little under three more months left."

"You know it is possible to study too much, right? It's a proven fact. You knew this shit backward and forwards before you cracked a textbook open. You were always a criminal mastermind and you always will be. You are a savant when it comes to the law and finding loopholes. I mean c'mon even Kubra was impressed with your ability to figure out new ways to avoid detection."

"And I did start a-"

"Don't you dare say the word panty or I'll take my book and spend the rest of the afternoon at that café where all the hot queer college girls hang out. Maybe I'll come home for dinner if I don't spoil my appetite. If I'm going to watch hot college girls studying than I might as well watch one who will enjoy it as much as I do. I love when they cream themselves as they ask their study partner if that hot older dyke on the other side of the café is watching her."

"What they don't know is you are undressing them both and probably imagining making your favorite kind of sandwich."

"And what they don't know is that I'm more into open-faced sandwiches these days," she teased as she placed her fingers underneath the blonde's chin and pulled her lips to hers.

"Okay, babe. Can we really watch the movie?"

"Yeah. You can watch soft-core porn disguised as cinema and maybe I'll look at real estate porn. Inevitably I'll end up imagining banging you on every square inch of the kitchen counters."

"Just make sure the master bath shower is big enough for two. Oh, and sturdy, thick interior walls."

"How about shower barely big enough for one and I make sure there's the best massaging shower head on the market. Is there anything you aren't still into trying to make happen that never will?"

"And a hot tub. With private lake access," Piper added, ignoring Alex's question.

The older woman just shook her head and laughed as Piper gave her an answer before she even knew she had, just like always, "You and water. It's not lube. Now coconut oil that is the most useful thing a woman can have in her house."

"Not arguing with you there. If the business consulting thing doesn't work out maybe you can write a cookbook for the modern woman about the multitude of uses for coconut oil and how vegetables are sexy. You can call them _For Your Dining Pleasure_ and _Beyond the Cucumber_. I love the smell of marzipan and coconuts. I could make a killing selling that shit as a body wash to all the girls who fall at your feet. They want a piece of Alex Vause, they can have it but bitches better pay up. And water is my happy place, go get yourself a bookshelf and a wine cellar."

"So, I can have my wine cellar?"

"As long as I can have you and a bottle of wine on a starry night in a hot tub."

"Deal. We agreed on a gym and space for separate offices, right?"

"Definitely."

"I'm going to order some lunch and then maybe you can help me go over some things while we wait for our food," Alex grabbed her phone and kissed Piper on the cheek, "You want dessert or drinks?"

"When do you go to probation next?"

"Tuesday. Splitting a six-pack won't kill me."

"Okay. Get that one beer we just discovered."

"The one you said tasted like chocolate velvet?"

"Yes! That is the best thing I've ever tasted."

"Really," Alex gave her that look complete with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, that's how you know it's Ah-Fucking-Mazing cause I eat your pussy on the daily. Take it as a compliment, honey."

"What if I dripped a little on my pussy," Alex teased flirtatiously and then watched Piper struggling to find an appropriate witty comeback but the younger woman had lost all control of her body and mind, "What's wrong with my love? Cat got your tongue?"

"God, fifteen minutes ago I had no intention of fucking you today now I can't think of anything else."

"Come to the Darkside, we have cookies. Coconut white chocolate almond cookies. Cuh-um. Why-fey."

"Okay but if I don't get at least an eighty-four percent on this test and you don't land your first client next week no sex, no coffee shops together or separately and no iPad for you next weekend."

"Deal. I'll even help you go over your flashcards over breakfast tomorrow before you leave for school."

Piper kissed Alex until the fire inside her belly cooled down enough to function. Alex reached for the new iPhone that Piper had bought her while the blonde stacked her study materials neatly then tried to carry the stack to the coffee table on her own.

"Let me help you, babe," she reached for the top of the stack as Piper struggled.

"I got it."

"No, you don't. There is a huge difference between ridiculousness and independence. It's what sets a toddler in mismatched socks and a princess dress throwing a tantrum from a strong, sexy independent woman who doesn't take anybody's shit. Now let me fucking help you, you beautiful stubborn idiot!"

"Thanks, babe. I've kinda been a toddler lately haven't I," Piper replied as Alex took half her stack and watched a pink highlighter roll onto the floor. Piper wanted to go back and grab it even with her hands still full but Alex just motioned her forward before responding, "Among other unattractive things. I'm not leaving. I'm not going back. I'm not going to do something stupid and end up back in prison or with some younger chick underneath me. What's that you always tell me? Alex, you aren't your dad? Well, I'm not yours either. I'm done with the cheating, lying and every other form of dishonesty. I'm not going to make you look like an idiot. I want a home and babies but I can't have babies if I have to come home to a jailer or a toddler."

"You want to have babies? Like have-have," Piper held her hands out in front of her abdomen to suggest a baby bump then pointed at Alex's stomach.

"I mean, yeah. I'd like to at least know if it's within the realm of possibilities. I just turned forty. I don't even know if both parts work. But I'm curious to find out."

"Well, I'm five years and four months younger. All you need is a working uterus and judging from the twenty bucks a month I was giving you for tampons and Tylenol it better be, otherwise I have some questions about misappropriation of funds and you wouldn't do a stupid thing like that, Vause, now would you? I'd give you the egg if that experience was that important to you."

"What about you? Would you ever want to carry?"

"I'd be the most nervous pregnant woman who ever lived."

"And I'd be there to listen to your insanity cause you aren't just a ridiculous human, you are mine. And I'd try to put your fears to rest."

"I'm just worried I'd be bad at it."

"And you think I'm not worried? I'm a murderess and a former drug dealer on top of being an aggressive lesbian. Carrying a child is the last thing a woman like me was meant for."

"With those wide hips and big tits? Your body was more meant for the job than mine. And you have a selfless, protective nature. I've never successfully nurtured anything. I don't have a maternal bone in my body."

"You are nurturing and you put everything into whatever you do. Yeah, you are a self-obsessed psychopath but you have a gift for seeing potential in people. Also, you would look damn sexy pregnant, just imagine heading out of yoga with a water bottle, mat, and swollen belly looking all messy hair don't care I make people what's your superpower like a fucking boss."

"And I can see you with some black maternity t-shirt with a sarcastic badass saying and an oversized men's leather jacket still trying to wear heels at nine months pregnant."

"Who goes first? Neither of us are getting any younger. I don't want you to end up where I am because I made you wait."

"And you only have like two years left to have a baby from your eggs."

"Maybe we should just use your eggs. I've probably abused my body too much for me to have any good eggs left anyway. Since when do I get what I want? Nothing good ever happens to me."

"Really, so being in my bed on a lazy Sunday at home a completely free woman is a figment of your imagination then," Piper asked angrily as she punched Alex right where she knew her scar was.

"Ow! Shit, Piper, what the fuck?"

"Just making sure you know you aren't dreaming, babe. Bad shit has happened to you since, well, the beginning of your existence. Nobody would argue that but since when has Alex Pearl Vause given up easily?"

"Never."

"Then we'll figure this out together. I'll come up with something. And next thing you know, you'll be spending hours trying to find leather pants that fit a baby bump. For now, let's take things one problem at a time and go look at this resume."

They returned to the bed and Piper busied herself with her laptop and Alex's questions about her resume, LinkedIn and website while also keeping track of their lunch through their delivery app. Out of nowhere, Piper turned to Alex, "Babe, I have an idea."

"Heaven help us all, the little wife has an independently produced thought."

"That is so wrong on so many levels."

"Tell that to my fucked-up shoulder that just felt a twinge."

"Well, I'm not going to promise this idea won't cause you any further pain because that's sorta the point but it's a good one, I swear. Maybe it's a little crazy but aren't all my ideas that way?"

"Okay, babe."

"What if we both get pregnant at the same time? I can carry your egg and you can carry mine."

"That's more than a little crazy but it's not a terrible idea. It would be pretty cool. We might kill each other but we try to do that when we aren't pregnant or trying to make ourselves that way so what else is new. At least it's out of the way and nobody has to worry about their waning fertility while the other one is carrying our baby. It avoids our jealousy issues and we get to share the experience. I'll agree on one condition."

"Which is?"

"Lay off me a little bit. I'm not going back to dealing, sticking needles in my arm or fucking random bitches. I am an addict. And I know to a point I have to be accountable to you and I promise that you will always know where I plan to be and if that plan changes, I'll tell you. I will always crave drugs and women and the high they give me but I will always need you more. I could never survive losing you. Anything else, sure. But losing you would be like living with a gaping, infected wound in my chest. Every second you aren't in my arms I wish you were. I'm not going to fuck this up. I know I've used up my chances. I will always come home to you as a clean, sober, faithful wife."

"Okay, just be honest with me. And the phrases I'm fine or I'm good are officially abolished in this house because neither one of us will ever be fine after everything we've gone through."

"Honestly, I'm spinning out. I just want to escape from the manic darkness of my head. I can't go back but I don't know how to go forward. I wouldn't give paper-me a chance, why would anybody else?"

"Because I'm not the only person in the world who sees the real you. The only one who sees the intelligent, poised, powerful woman with a pure heart that you are deep down inside. Even after everything you have been through you still have the most amazing heart. You get knocked down but you brush yourself off and persist. Look at what we made together after a few minutes of work."

"So, if you still ran Popi and you had never met me before and I came into your office to interview for a job, would you hire me?"

"I don't know depends on what you wore to the interview and how many times you gave me that patented Vause smirk that could probably turn the straightest of the straight women. You know the kind who won't even touch their own pussy because Jesus kills a puppy every time a woman has an orgasm."

"Okay let's say in this alternate universe neither one of us are into girls. Would you? I'm still a former drug dealer and I have the same pitch, everything else is the same except that."

"Yes. Because you have the skills and I like tenacity. I know you would be driven and hungry and that's what struggling businesses need. Someone hungry who doesn't give up until they succeed. If they ask about your crimes make sure you tell them you accepted responsibility for your actions and are fully rehabilitated. You are not only interested in going forward but taking what you know about business and using it to help grow companies. Will you have doors slammed in your face? Yes, but that's how the world works. You just have to hold your head up high and walk on until you find the one and then you can laugh at all those people who doubted you and now want a piece of your success."

"And what do I do when they do?"

"You charge 'em double, baby."

"God, you have a beautiful mind," she pulled Piper into a kiss that was interrupted by her phone dinging to let her know the delivery driver was approaching with their food.


	2. We'll Never Know If We Don't Try

The next Saturday Piper was heading home from work when Mia's cousin and Piper's next closest friend, Ashley called.

"Hey, girl."

"Hey, what's up, Ashe?"

"Lola and I miss you. We're grilling steaks tonight and were thinking about throwing on an extra if you're up for it."

"Well, you'd have to throw on two if you did that."

"Piper! Are you saying? No wonder you haven't called asking what's for dinner in over three weeks."

"Alex got out three and a half weeks ago now. We hit a rough patch in her second week. We had a honeymoon period but then reality hit hard but we're doing better now. We are finally on the same page and we actually talk about our days. We're better than ever."

"I'll bet you are. Now you definitely have to come over."

"I'll have to check with her of course but she usually does what I want, sometimes it just takes a couple of tries."

"Give me a call. Everything else okay?"

"It's been a balancing act and now that I have Alex home I just want to be done with this paralegal program."

"You're done in May, right?"

"Yeah. It's both not going fast enough and going too fast all at once."

"You'll do fine. I'm thawing the steaks, so call or just show up, whichever you choose. You know how the house is."

When Piper couldn't handle being alone at her apartment she would go over to Ashley and Lola's house. They would make her dinner or draw her a bath and put a bottle of wine with their best wine glass by the tub in their master bathroom. They had never asked questions but whenever Piper wanted to talk, they had been there to listen with no judgments or salacious questions. Piper started to tell her phone to dial Alex but since she was only three minutes from home she decided to talk to her fiance when she got home. Moments later, she hit the parking spot lottery and snagged the spot in front of her building, she knew her upstairs dick of a neighbor would be banging on her door later if it was still there but she didn't care. Besides, now that Alex was home, she had made it her life's mission to show how him how a real woman screams in ecstasy when she's being fucked properly unlike the never-ending parade of skanks he brought home with their fake orgasms and fake tits. Not that being loud, especially when Alex was on top of her, was all that difficult. Alex was lounging on the couch with an iced tea and the blonde's iPad when she walked into the apartment.

"Hey baby, how was your day?"

"Go-relaxing," Alex corrected herself.

"Look at you following the rules and shit. I brought you a cheese Danish and I got my bag of coffee for the week, Tanzanian. The next best thing to a quaint cabin outlooking the savannah at sunrise."

"Soon enough we will."

"Yeah in like twenty years."

"We trafficked heroin around the world and kept my cool, I think we can handle a couple of infants. Two of them, two of us, it'll be perfect. I was reading some blogs and there are families that don't have our past and are traveling full time with kids. I don't want to go that far but I'm not going to stop doing anything because we chose to have babies. I don't think we have to change and I don't think our kids would want that. So, I'm guessing work went well?"

"It was a little crazy but not terrible. I told you about Ashley, right?"

"Yeah. Mia's cousin?"

"Yeah. Ashe and her wife invited us over for dinner. They are grilling steaks and they had extras. I know you aren't ready for big groups and parties yet and this wouldn't be. It would just be two queer couples hanging out on a Saturday night. They have the best selection of beer of anyone I know. If there's a fight on then things might get a little livelier but they would understand if you wanted to leave. They have never pushed me to do anything. That's why I love them so much."

"Okay. I guess it's time we spent a night together outside this apartment. I think I'm ready. I haven't showered yet today cause I didn't think I was going anywhere and it's still hard to shower when I'm alone in the apartment. I hear footsteps and start to freak out."

"Well, I did just get home from work and coffee doesn't smell that great at one in the afternoon."

"Ask your question, Pipes."

"Will you, Alex Pearl Vause, let me shower with you?"

"Funny, babe. Will you play with my tits?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"If you wanted me to."

"I'm starting to think you aren't into them anymore. You want everything but them. They're feeling neglected and less than just because they don't have an orgasmic function for you."

"But they get the key into the ignition."

Alex looked down at her breasts underneath her loose scoop neck black t-shirt and back up at the blonde biting her lower lip, "We had a meeting, that's not enough. They need to be front and center. They like to be the star."

"As if they could be anything else. You want me to start the water?"

"Could you," Alex asked with a poorly hidden tinge of childlike concern for potential boogeymen lurking in the shadows.

"Yes," Piper came over and kissed her temple then smoothed her fingers through the woman's hair tenderly and leaned her cheek against the brunette's head until the fear subsided. Half an hour later, followed by a shower that was more Piper pleasuring Alex's tits every way that she knew how than actually getting clean.

"That wasn't bad," Alex declared as she watched Piper pulling on her bikini, "Isn't it a little cold for a swimsuit?"

"Funny Alex and they have an in-ground pool and spa. I might take a dip in it later."

"I don't have anything to wear."

"Underwear and a tank top. Skinny dip."

"That's all fun until one of them looks a little too long."

"That would happen if you wore a garbage bag and we both know it."

"Okay. What should I wear?"

Piper shuffled through Alex's clothes and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans, a loose grey v-neck t-shirt, and a green hoodie than a pair of black sandals, "Here, baby. Throw that brown leather jacket I bought you the other day on top. What should I wear?"

"Is you're good as is an option?"

"Nope."

"Okay that pink striped hoodie and those grey leggings I like."

"No shirt?"

"Nope."

"Okay."

The two quickly got dressed and then drove out to her friend's house just outside Cleveland in a suburban housing development. Piper drove past a park with a kiddie splash pad and gazebo before parking out in front of a two-story grey and dark green house with a three-car garage.

"This is nice. What do they do?"

"Ashley is a software engineer and Lola works in cybersecurity, she did a career as an officer in the Air Force before starting her own home-based business. They take in foster dogs now that she's home all the time. They have two of their own."

"No kids?"

"They weren't the type. They would rather have expensive tech gadgets and work long hours. They love being aunts. They have two nieces and four nephews plus a ton of little cousins. And since they have the pool and outdoor kitchen in the family everybody is at their house on the weekends. They have an open house when it comes to people that they consider family, by blood or choice."

"And they adopted you?"

"Yeah. They've been there for me and stood up for me. Ashe was the one who once asked one of our friends whose wife is a neurosurgeon but thinks she can ask me questions about Breaking Bad if she likes being asked about how realistic surgical procedures on Grey's Anatomy are. It shut her up fast. They've kicked people out of their house for not treating me appropriately. Ready to go in?"

"Yeah."

Alex got out of the car and then came over to the driver's side and opened the door then took her hand as they walked up the path to their front door. Alex went for the doorbell but Piper pulled her back and went from the door handle as it opened into a tiled entryway.

"Lola! Ashe," Piper hollered as a German-Shepard-Rottweiler mix came bounding straight for Alex, "Hi, Molly. Hi girl."

A blonde woman came running, "Sorry, Piper. I tried to keep her in the yard but then she wanted to get into the food so we put her in the media room. Are you scared of dogs, Alex?"

"Not even ones wearing vests with my least favorite letters. At first I was but then I learned how to keep my cool and not allow my posture to give them a reason to react."

"We have three right now. Molly and Dumpling are ours. Then we have Lulu, our foster dog. We are waiting for our newest foster to get out of the vet hospital, so pretty soon we'll have a blind hospice dog, Shiloh."

"Is that hard?"

"Sometimes when they are struggling to hold on and we end up having to help them along. But it's what makes us feel like we're making the biggest impact and we cry happy tears for each one. We just try to have faith in God and heaven above."

"So, you're Christian lesbians then?"

"Yeah. Our faith is important to us but we don't force it on anyone. We just try to love as Jesus did and be good neighbors. Mia is the rebel of the family, she's spiritually Buddhist. We hope you'll feel welcome in our home and let us know if anyone makes you feel otherwise, Alex."

"Thank you. Are you Lola or Ashley?"

"Oh, sorry. I'm Lola. Ashley is outside with the grill. Can I get your coats?"

"Nice to meet you, Lola," Alex responded as she handed the woman her coat and then Piper did the same.

"Piper, you want to show her the beer fridge?"

"Sure," Piper responded as she led her fiance to the garage.

"Oh, I should have already asked, is there anything you don't eat?"

"I used to have limits but then I met this pain in the ass doe-eyed blonde who wanted to go out and eat the world and since I'd do anything to see her smile I don't anymore. She wanted to try everything and so I did."

"Let me guess, that girl is the other blonde in my house."

"Yeah. This one got food poisoning so many times in places with no medicine or safe water. I don't know how either one of us survived it. She's ridiculous and crazy but I love her and would do anything to keep her alive."

"Yeah, Piper does keep things exciting around our little family. She's the bold, wild one who does the shit we wish we were daring enough to do. We'll be outside whenever you two are ready, dinner should be ready in fifteen minutes."

The two-headed through the laundry room and into the garage where Piper went to the fridge while Alex became distracted by the imposing mahogany and green felt pool table in the center of the space, "This is nice."

"You still remember how to play?"

"Do you?"

"Well we'll never know if we don't try," Piper responded as she racked the balls and handed her a pool cue from the wall, "typical eight-ball?"

"This time. Let me guess you are going to insist on being stripes?"

"I have always been and will always be stripes."

"Okay but I'm not gonna take it easy on you. Remember when I taught you how to play pool in that little bar? I think it was in Turkey or maybe Kuwait."

"Yeah, we should not have been doing what we were doing."

"What, I was innocently teaching a young girl how to play pool."

"Keep telling yourself that," Piper lined up her shot and got two balls in the pocket, "C'mon, Vause. We haven't been playing for five minutes. Do I need to come over and do what you did that night? Show you just how much it wasn't nothing."

_The two had been drinking with Fahri and a bunch of guys from the ring in some tiny underground bar for hours and Alex had spent the last hour beating every guy in the bar at pool while Piper was becoming progressively more visibly bored by the minute._

_"__You want me to see if Alex will let me take you back to the hotel," Alex heard Fahri ask from the other side of the room. _

_"__No, I'm enjoying myself."_

_"__Are you?"_

_"__As much as I can. I'm bad at dancing, drinking, and cards and couldn't begin to figure out what she's doing over there. I suck at everything she loves."_

_"__You think she was always good at everything? She was twenty-three and new to the ring once too."_

_"__I don't belong here. Sometimes I don't know what the hell I'm doing. This is the last place a girl like me should be."_

_"__But you are here and have been for three months now. Nobody is here because Kubra doesn't think they belong."_

_Before Piper could respond Alex came over and stole a swig from the girl's beer, "Hey, you," she subtly rested her hand on mine before turning her attention to the man across from me, "You taking care of my girl, Fahri?"_

_"__You should be taking care of her. She's not my responsibility. It's your job to make sure she feels welcome and doesn't want to go home. To make sure she feels included."_

_"__If she wants to come play like a big girl she needs to act like one. You want something, Pipes?"_

_"__Do you think I could learn how to shoot pool? I don't know the first thing about the game."_

_"__Well, you've been watching me. Don't think I haven't noticed."_

_"__What I like the view when you bend over the table. Well, that and I like watching you kick dudes asses."_

_"__Get you in a dyke bar and I'll show you a view. But first, come, I'll show you how to hit an eight ball in the corner pocket."_

_Alex led Piper over to the pool table and showed Piper how to rack the balls._

_"__You forgot one," Piper held up a white ball while Alex took a cue and some chalk._

_"__No that's the cue ball, you really don't know the first thing about pool. You sure you're gay?"_

_"__Yes. I just never went looking for the community. I always tried to avoid any hint of homosexuality."_

_"__But you were an athlete at Smith. One of these days I'll understand your logic. Or I'll die trying. So first, the break shot. I'll call my shots so you know what I'm doing. I'm going to go for the solids," she kept shooting until there was only a black ball left and all the striped balls, "Your turn. Clear the table."_

_She handed Piper the cue and watched her struggle to even get her fingers around it, so Alex took her fingers and guided them to where they needed to be and then went behind her and took hold of her hips to show her the form. With her body pressed against Piper's, she put her hand over the blonde's and together they took a shot and balls went flying, one even went close to the hole._

_"__Damn, that was so close. This game is so frustrating. I'll never get it."_

_"__You did pretty good for someone who's never held a pool cue before."_

_"__How do I get it in?"_

_"__You see that ball," she shifted the cue so that it lined up with the striped eleven ball, "You aim so that it hits against the ball and if you do it with just the right force than you get them both," she took her shot and the balls clicked against each other and rolled into the pocket, "in. Now you just have to get the other five in but don't get the black one in and don't scratch. Or I'll tie you up and pound your tight pussy until the sun comes up with my hard cock while you scream your head off."_

_"__So, in other words I lose the game big time?"_

_"__Yeah," Alex held tightly to Piper's hips, pressing her fly against Piper's dress behind her with each shot. She rewarded the good ones by sneaking her fingers underneath the girl's dress and rubbing her center, "Good girl." Until they only had one ball left, "Now we play for the match. You have two chances to hit the eight ball, then I get two chances but I'll only need one. I already know five ways to get it in."_

_"__Can you spare one?"_

_"__Nope gonna have to figure this one out on your own."_

_"__You just want to fuck me."_

_"__You are the hottest girl in this bar, fuck yes I do. And win or lose I'm taking you back to this hotel and fucking you. It's all a question of who chooses how at this point."_

_Piper scratched her first try and almost got the eight ball in on her second before reluctantly handing the cue to her girlfriend who got it in seconds later. She took a victory lap around the pool table before feeling gutsy enough to embrace Piper and start kissing her passionately as her hands grabbed the blonde's ass. Piper held onto her jacket tightly as their bodies pressed together, momentarily forgetting that what they were doing could get them beaten, raped, killed or some horrific combination of the three._

_"__We should probably take this back to the hotel," Piper barely got out between gasps for air._

_"__Yeah, I'll get Fahri to walk back with us."_

"And here we are almost exactly twelve years later and I am about to hit the eight ball in the right-center," Piper took her shot and the noise echoed off the steel garage door, "pocket," as the cue ball stopped just short of the pocket.

"Well look who's a secret pool shark," a voice said from the fridge as Piper heard three bottles clinking together.

Piper turned around rapidly and saw the a middle-aged woman with closely cropped chestnut brown hair and pink tips, "Ashe! How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to wonder why you always refused to play when we were out here."

"It probably hurt too much. I taught her how to play and how to perfect her shot so she could beat any opponent. It was always this intimate thing we shared and a form of affection and sexual power play that no matter where we were we could get away with," Alex told Ashe before turning her attention to me, "Really, Pipes? What else have you been hiding from your friends?"

"I just don't like playing with anybody else. It brings back so much."

"Dinner is ready. You guys want to eat out on the deck or in the kitchen?"

"I love being outdoors every chance I get."

"Okay then. Mia showed up, hope that's okay."

"Baby?"

"Yeah, I'd like to meet her."


	3. Except with Heroin

**A/N: To the reader who smelled some Vauseman drama brewing, how did you predict things so well? I had already written some Vauseman drama into this chapter before I even posted the last chapter. So this chapter is for you, swiftiesworld and I'll take it as good writing that you figured it out from the moment the scene was set up. **

We headed out to the backyard where Mia, a slightly younger, longer-haired version of Ashley with natural auburn highlights was helping Lola plate dinner as they chatted about her son, Milo's latest home run at his Little League game that morning.

"I was worried we scared you off, Alex," Lola exclaimed when we stepped onto the deck.

"Nope. I see Piper and a pool table and things tend to happen. And I can't back down from a dare, no matter how crazy."

"Yeah, honey, I got in there and Piper was totally kicking Alex's ass in pool like she owned the place. You think you know your friends and then discover they have a hidden talent months later."

"Piper, the one we've never seen pick up a cue?"

"Yeah. Alex, have you met Mia yet?"

"No, I've barely left the house because heaven forbid I breathe wrong in the wrong place for the next twenty-four days. Supervised release is just probation by another name. It's technically less restrictive but it still sucks."

Ashley called Mia over and introduced the two women, Mia pulled Alex into a loose hug as Alex told her, "Hey, thanks. If it weren't for you and helping Piper, I'd still be in there."

"Piper's the most amazing, passionate woman I've ever met. If you ever forget how lucky you are to have her call me and I'll remind you. I'd do anything for her."

"So would I. Don't hurt her."

"Same. Let's go join the other girls. I'd love to get to know you."

Alex filled with dread at the thought of the barrage of questions she would soon endure. She sat down with a strong sense of trepidation[LC1] and reached for Piper's hand. The blonde ran the pad of her fingertip along the bumps and grooves of her knuckles until Alex's body relaxed.

"Can I get you anything, Alex," Lola asked sweetly.

"No, I'm fine."

"I think I said something that scared her about wanting to get to know her. I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way. We've already gotten Piper drunk and made her tell us everything we wanted to know about you guys' past. And then I did my research for the case. Those things you two did are exciting but they aren't what makes you who you are. It's no different from any other queer love story except with Heroin. Girl meets girl, one girl has a crazy complicated quasi-ex, girl pursues girl anyway, fireworks ensue and girls admit to being hopelessly in love. Have I missed anything?"

"Well, the part where girl marries girl, girls buy a house and make babies," Piper added.

"Have you done any of those things or are you doing them?"

"I've been looking at houses. Reality is setting in when it comes to babies."

"How so, babe," Piper asked, forgetting that the other three women were there.

"I found a clinic I like and a bank then I got a quote for the deposit, for what we have to put down just to start the process and I don't know how we're going to do it. We're going to have the money in about a month, I know that. It's just, I can't wait a month or two to start the process. At our ages, time isn't on either of our sides. The clinic has an appointment available when we are in town to look at houses but they need an answer by nine-thirty on Monday. I don't know what the wait would be like to get another one. Then it takes a few months before we can officially try. If I'm even fertile. I can't stand not knowing. Every day I don't know twists my heart a little more."

"So, you're planning on carrying, Alex?"

"We both are. We want to do simultaneous reciprocal IVF as they call it."

"You two are crazy," Lola responded.

"Tell us something we don't know," Mia fired back through rolled eyes.

"Piper, you know if you guys need money, I'd be glad to put in the deposit. Call it a loan if you pay it back, a gift if you don't. And I know a couple that did simultaneous IUIs, only one ended up getting pregnant but I think they know a couple that successfully did the same thing as you that they met through an online support group. I think they live outside Houston."

"You'd do that for us?"

"Yes. Just let us be aunties and spoil them rotten."

"Okay. But when our daughter is thirteen going on thirty and hates us for bringing her into this miserable fucked up world with felonious parents, we're sending her to Ohio to live with her aunties."

"Our daughter, babe?"

"I don't know I always saw us with a little girl with strawberry blonde curls and blue-green eyes."

"How long have you been keeping this from me?"

"I plead the Fifth."

"Sorry, doesn't exist in Vauseland."

"I do not recall," Piper tried so Alex started shoving her fingers between her ribs until she found the ultimate of her ticklish spots that only the brunette knew how to find.

"Yup, that's right where I left it. Now do you want to tell me or do you want me to make you laugh until you piss yourself cause I've done it before and I'll do it again. And now that you're an old lady it should be even easier."

"I am not an old lady. I'm not twenty-three anymore. Sure, yes I'm older but if I'm an old lady, what does that make you, grandma? You are just a sugar mama past her prime who has run out of sugar."

"And yet you are still here."

"Yeah, cause I love your stupid ass."

"Just my ass?"

Piper shrugged, "and your tits. I could take or leave the rest."

"I'll remember that next time you are begging for me to eat your pussy."

"Alex!"

"Aw, what am I embarrassing you in front of your friends?"

"Yes! You suck!"

"That's you, babe. Or have you forgotten about the other night when you sucked your cum off my cock? You sucked him so good I thought I was gonna cum in your mouth for a second."

"I forgot that wasn't a possibility too. That's when I sucked harder. Fuck, what are we gonna do when you can't get the harness around your baby bump?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Now, if you ever wanna get fucked by a cock again, tell me how long you've been imagining the pitter-patter of little Vause-Chapman feet."

"Pretty much since after I told you I loved you. I knew it would never be so I pushed it away but she's persistent. She never really left me. And I want to meet her. And now that I know you do too."

"And I thought we were a couple strong-willed, persistent bitches. She is probably the one to rule us all."

"Probably. So guess my friends here who now know way too much about my sexual proclivities should keep their guest room open in about fourteen years."

"You and your cock are welcome at my house any time, Alex," the auburn-haired woman teased as she reached her hand across the table and attempted to caress her fingers.

"Mia, stay away from my woman or I will give you the beat down to end all beat downs!"

"What…c' mon, Piper, your chick is fucking hot and she has a strong preference for bisexual girls. She seems like the type who knows what she's doing with that lovely appendage."

"Oh, she does. But, you see, there's just one teensy-tiny little problem. I bought her cock so I literally own it and thus I alone decide what happens with it. And as for her pussy," Piper made a playful whipping motion in the air complete with sound effects, "Whipped, owned and I'm about to lay claim to your uterus too cause I can't sleep soundly on her pillowy breasts at night without complete world domination."

"You were so sweet and innocent when I saw you in that bar. But that initial observation could not have been further from the truth. If I had known then that you are just a power-hungry psychopath-"

"What you wouldn't have tried to fuck me? C'mon, babe, you know that would have only made you want me more. You love a challenge. What's that thing you used to say, there are no rewards without risk and bigger risks mean bigger rewards?"

"Yeah, probably," Alex confessed as she shot Piper her trademark killer glare that always ended up with the blonde crawling onto her lap and as Alex rubbed her tailbone she knew prison and all they had endured hadn't changed that one bit. Alex smiled as she enjoyed the feeling of Piper's ass rubbing against her jeans in all the right places without her even being aware of how thoroughly pleased her fiancé was making her feel. The auburn-haired woman was still trying to touch her as she steadied Piper in her lap so she decided to stand up for her relationship and choose Piper as she had chosen her when she moved to Ohio.

"Now, as for you, Mia," she commanded, somehow turning three letters into four syllables, "In another life sure I could make you feel things you could never imagine but I fell in love with the one bisexual who has never had a threesome nor the desire to experience one and I'm not having sex again unless she's involved and coming onto me is only going to give me a headache and I'm the bitch that can turn sister to stranger quicker than you can blink. Which if you make me have to deal with raging lunatic drunk Piper tonight will definitely happen. So, let's change the fucking subject," Alex looked over at Piper and pulled her close then whispered in her ear, "You okay, my love?" Piper didn't answer, she just turned in the brunette's lap and leaned her head on Alex's shoulder. The brunette started rubbing the blonde's hair and once she had her relaxed, she planted tiny kisses on her temple until she turned her attention back to her food.

"Have you guys decided if you are staying in Ohio or going back to New York or maybe some far-flung destination you both loved when you were young and now can't stop thinking about that we've never heard of? Have you started looking at donors or making your wish list," Ashley asked.

"Yeah, when you gonna lock that shit down," Mia asked without making it clear whether she was addressing Piper or Alex.

"Mia don't think just because you are my cousin that I won't kick you out of my house! But yes, to add to my questions, have you two started thinking about making things official? Especially now that you are talking about babies. It's a terrible idea to have kids out of wedlock if you're queer. I've seen it go wrong so many times, especially with lesbians. Nobody wins when the stakes are that high. Don't think you can just do a second-parent adoption and be good. Life gets crazy once that kid is born and your priority is keeping it alive."

Alex looked over at me and rubbed my back before she started tackling their questions, "No. We aren't staying in Ohio. It's not a bad place to live, just it's not a part of our past we want to be tied to forever. Which is why we haven't gotten married yet; we don't want an Ohio marriage license. We were going to wait and get married after we have our kids but after talking to the clinic and your lovely warning it seems the only way to do what we want to do is to be married. We are planning to buy a house in New York and maybe we'll have a quickie wedding in Niagara Falls then have a big destination wedding later when the kids are a couple of years old. You know, when we have a flower girl and a ring bearer."

"What if we don't have one of each, babe?"

"We'll figure it out, love. And those positions don't have to be gendered. Can I finish or do you have more you'd like to add, wifey?"

"Not at the moment."

Alex continued, "But I also think it would be cool to just have a cheesy wedding in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator and a pink limo. Stay at the Bellagio and visit Paris without the trip to Europe. Shop, swim and win big in cards with my lucky charm on my arm. All my biggest casino wins involved a sugar baby in red from her lips to her heels. This cute little pain in the ass will probably drag me to a Cirque de Soleil show or to see some nineties superstar currently doing a Vegas residency. The only way I'm going to a Vegas residency is if Sinatra or Elvis come back from the dead."

"You are so gonna pay for that later, Vause!"

"I know. Looking forward to it," Alex teased as she massaged Piper's breast through the blonde's shirt until her breath hitched. Momentarily forgiven, Alex continued, "It's not like her daddy would ever in a million years give me Piper's hand in marriage by choice. Isn't that what you do when you marry a girl against her father's wishes?"

"That or Mexico."

"I want an American marriage license, I'm with a woman. It's important to me I want the security and I have enough hoops to jump through because the Alex I fell in love with is a woman instead of a man. I would have loved her either way," Piper interrupted.

"When can you leave the state, Alex?"

"Twenty-four more long, looong days."

"I think in twenty-four days you should catch an early evening flight, get into Vegas by ten or eleven, get a license and find an all-night chapel," Lola answered cheerfully with a hint of drunkenness.

"What do you think, babe?" Piper didn't answer she just locked her lips with Alex and kissed her deeply, passionately, "So many thoughts, so few words."

"You always told me you were a woman of action, not words. Despite your unquenchable thirst for reading."

"I will never complain about anything that involves getting drowned in your kisses."

"Careful, Vause. You haven't established your badass reputation outside of prison bars yet with my new friends."

"What if I don't want to," Alex teased before pressing her lips against Piper's and making out until the other three women were hollering at them, "get a room before we throw you two into the pool. Oh, and teach us your ninja moves. Cause that is level ninety-nine making out."

"I taught this girl a lot of shit but she figured that out on her own," Alex answered as she wrapped her hand around the blonde's waist to steady her on her lap.

"God, we are finding out all your hidden talents tonight, Piper. So, are you moving back to New York?"

"Yeah but upstate. We're thinking the Finger Lakes region, we haven't narrowed down a town yet but getting our wish list is more important than where the home is, as long as it's in the area we want. We want to still be able to take a day trip to the City if we wanted, so no more than four and a half hours away, but far enough away that we can have a quiet piece of land and be amongst nature."

"I have a good friend from college who does relocations and vacation homes between Ohio and Upstate New York. She's based out of Syracuse with a satellite office in Ithaca that mainly works with queer couples. She would probably take you guys on as a client."

"We don't have money to pay a realtor to search for homes for us. We were going to make an all-cash offer when the settlement money comes in. Besides, I'm not doing much else. I know a dump when I see one. And we're open to doing a little work if the home has good bones; we learned all about electrical and landscaping in prison. I also learned way too much about industrial dryers."

"Spend more time searching for a donor and preparing your body to be a home for a little one and let a professional who knows the market find you a home to raise it in. She owes me, I'm sure she'd take her payment at closing."

"What do you think, Pipes?"

"We have enough to deal with right now. I'd rather spend our time preparing to be mothers."

"Go ahead and call her."

"Have you figured out what you want from a donor? Or are you going to use different donors?"

"We want the same donor. We want our kids to have a genetic connection to each other. I'm guessing now we are looking for a strawberry blonde or red-head."

"How terrible for you," Piper teased, which won her a slap on the ass.

"Hush. I hope the kid I give birth to is just like you."

"And I hope the kid I give birth to looks just like you but acts nothing like you."

"Yeah, I hope it doesn't act like me either. Maybe this one won't have any Burley in it at all."

"That's impossible. But that doesn't mean I don't still want to have your baby, even if it is a quarter Burley or more of a Burley than it's bio mom."

"Are you looking for any particular traits?"

"Strong jaw, almond-shaped light-colored eyes, small nose. Not extremely prominent or masculine features except for the jaw and chin. Definitely not some ghastly schnoz. Tall and lean but still athletic. Broad shoulders. Smart and funny with a smile that lights up a room. Someone free-spirited and creative but not the kind who is a globe-trotting adventurer who wants to zip line around the world because our kid will get enough of that from us. We want someone creative but rooted. Preferably a guy who is good at science or technology so our kids will have a genetic advantage in the modern world. More family-oriented who will balance out our craziness and thrill-seeking. If my kid ends up scared of the tamest ride at the theme park, I won't mind one bit. I already have one ridiculous human I'm barely keeping alive. I don't need a kid who is trying to get themselves killed too and making me get them out of sticky situations constantly like my girl."

"But I'm so cute."

"Yeah, you're something, that's for sure," she replied with a series of taps on Piper's ass before rubbing her lower back.

"God, you two are going to give us all cavities."

"It's just because you've never been in a relationship longer than five years, cuz. Lola and I have known each other for eighteen years, married for ten. We get it."

"Thirteen for us. I don't even know how many of those we've officially been together for if you add up all the times we've gotten together and broken up. I just know she made me believe in every myth about love."

"You two were meant for each other. I know you getting sent to Ohio was for the worst possible reasons and at a dark moment in your lives and relationship but I'm glad you did because we got to know you and Piper."

"And I'm grateful you guys took care of her when I couldn't."

"We're family and now you are a part of it," Ashley declared as she held her beer in the air and one by one each of us raised a glass and toasted Alex's membership in the family Piper had found in her lover's absence. The women chatted for a little longer before Mia went home and Ashley and Lola went to watch a movie in the media room after inviting Piper and Alex to spend the night and told them that they could help ourselves to anything in the kitchen or hall closet. Piper gratefully accepted their offer as Alex ran her hands along the wine rack, tugging random bottles out partway and then sliding them back in. She grabbed their best bottle of red wine from the kitchen and opened the bottle with a smile as Piper looked on at her favorite sight in the universe. Alex took a swig from the bottle and Piper laughed, "So, baby, is it poisonous?"

"Don't think so. It's so good, a little oaky and strong with coffee notes. I know you prefer citrus but you'll probably like it."

"My favorite sommelier picked it out so I'm sure I will. You want me to heat up the hot tub and grab towels?"

"They wouldn't mind? They didn't say anything about using the hot tub."

"Why do you think they taught me how to heat it up and turn on the jets? Plenty of times I've just let myself into the backyard purely to use their hot tub and chill."

"You want to chill, do you? I thought I was being punished, Pipes."

"Were you? Must have forgotten that."

"And I forgot to be an asshole for two hours so can I get absolution for my sins?"

"Just don't do it again. Stop trying to push my limits like you don't know where they are and my expectations," I told Alex as I grabbed an extra pair of swim trunks and two towels from the closet then walked onto the deck where Alex was already dipping her bare feet in the water. I handed her the shorts and went to turn the in-ground hot tub on. Alex poured two glasses of wine while we waited for the water to heat up. Once we only had a tiny sip left Alex filled our glasses and we climbed into the tub, me clutching my glass and Alex balancing hers along with the rest of the bottle. Once we adjusted to the water and found a comfortable spot, we cuddled and kissed topless in the hot tub until we couldn't keep our eyes open another second.


	4. Only You

**A/N: This chapter took on a life of its own and became exceptionally long, probably could have split it into two but I decided to leave it as is...The next chapter will be the two women's Vegas wedding so stay tuned**

The next twenty-five days passed in a haze of kisses and long walks in the park or along Lake Erie, their souls felt renewed with every sunbeam and even Alex had learned to stop and appreciate beauty. Not that Piper gave her much choice when she ran after every butterfly like a toddler with a net or stopped without warning to run through a field of wildflowers. Alex sure did love her Bohemian flower child and to be honest she missed the feeling of freshly cut emerald green grass between her toes and the sound as it crunched and tickled the arches of her feet. Before they knew it, they were headed to the airport for their wedding and honeymoon. Piper could tell Alex was on the verge of a panic attack as the luxury black SUV the brunette had hired to drive them to the airport left them and their suitcases on the curb. The brunette didn't notice a porter come up with a luggage cart and a bottle of water, apparently, Alex's freak out was even more evident than Piper had originally thought.

"Miss, is your uh-"

"Fiancé."

"Fiancé okay?"

"She will be once we get through this airport," Piper smiled and put on her best poker face, "She had a bad experience last time she flew and hasn't been on a plane in years."

"Must be an important trip then," he replied as Piper opened the bottle and tried to get Alex to take a sip.

"Yeah, we're getting married in Vegas and then heading to our honeymoon in New Zealand and Fiji, the honeymoon was a gift from a group of our friends. They surprised us with a wedding shower a few weeks ago and did a collection for us to go on our dream honeymoon. We've had a tough past few years. She isn't used to good things happening to her anymore. She's always looking for proof that her luck has run out."

"PTSD is a tough disease. My husband has it and I wouldn't wish that disease on my worst enemy."

"Yeah, and from the outside looking in it's so treatable but when it's in your house you realize how insidious it is. It's worse than cancer. Nobody tells you to suck it up or it's all in your head when a tumor is eating your insides. You can't see that either but nobody disputes that it's happening."

"Which airline are you flying out of? I'll help you with your bags so you can take care of your partner."

"Southwest."

As the porter loaded their bags onto the cart, Piper pulled Alex into a tight embrace and ran her fingers through her hair.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"I'm scared they won't let me through security. I've done this a million times in even more nerve-wracking circumstances but I can't even get myself to walk through the doors. It would be just like the government to give me back my passport and then put me on the no-fly list but not tell me and then everybody stands around wondering what she did or thinking that I'm some sort of you know what that starts with the letter 't.'"

"Should I have you fitted for a tinfoil hat too? Maybe disappear into the hills of Big Sky Country and live off the land, homeschool our kids and talk about how all forms of government are inherently evil while you finish your manifesto? Show that point of view isn't unique to conservative hicks but liberal lesbians share it too?"

"Could we," Alex mumbled weakly with a hint of sarcasm.

"Ah, there's my girl. Get moving, those bastards smell fear better than their stupid dogs."

"Where'd you learn that one from, kid?"

"Oh, just some chick I used to travel the world with when I was in my early twenties. It's going to be fine, baby. Just let me take the reins going through an airport for once. I was taught by the best after all."

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Pipes."

"I know. All a girl needs is a pretty face. Well, and a skilled tongue," the blonde teased as she licked her lips seductively and twirled her fingers in front of Alex's face.

"Stop it, kid."

"_Okaaay._"

"Don't worry you know what the rumbling of a jumbo jet does to me."

"No clue. We need to get moving, Al. When we get settled in New York I'm making you see a therapist. You don't have to go on meds," she wriggled one of her arms from their embrace and moved it down her body until it was just above her pubic bone, "besides they'd be bad for the baby. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anybody else effectively, especially to deal with the emotional effects of all the added hormones that will be coursing through your system. Our kids need two moms who are present, we know the pain of having a mother who was never there and nobody to be proud of."

"Okay but will you at least call your brother before we get to Vegas and tell him we're getting married tomorrow night?"

"I don't know. I'm not really interested in what my family is going to have to say about us getting married."

"And in the campiest way possible at a gay-owned chapel in Vegas instead of a genteel affair with fine china and dry chicken at daddy's country club."

"That's its own type of camp."

"Yes, but I prefer mine."

Piper looked Alex up and down in her distressed black shorts, skin-tight black shirt with a plunging neckline, lacy red cami underneath and strappy red sandals with her famous red lips and black eyeliner, "Yeah, I prefer yours too. Let's get through security and fight over which Cirque show we're going to see like a normal couple on their way to Vegas."

"Call your brother."

"If it gets you through those doors I will."

Piper grasped Alex's hand hard as they crossed the threshold and the blonde watched her take in the sights, sounds and smells of the airport, "Still smells like cinnamon and industrial cleaner. Was it always so loud?"

"Yeah. It's always been this chaotic, that's why I was glad I had you. You always made me feel safe and if you weren't scared than I figured why should I be afraid."

They checked their bags, made sure their boarding passes were on my phone and then got through security without a hitch, well other than Alex being introduced to the circle of hell that was the tight full body scanner and being felt up by a TSA agent because she was hot and he could. Piper was worried she would fall to pieces as she watched Alex standing there but she knew one of them had to be in control and right now she was the woman for the job. We grabbed a couple of burgers and beers before treating ourselves to a round of shots, Maker's Mark for her and Patron for me, before grabbing Starbucks, they gave me a five percent discount and a free pastry even though they didn't have to when the shift supervisor found out I worked at another location, and heading for our gate.

Just as we got comfy Alex turned to me with her eyebrows raised and that commanding glare that scared most and aroused Piper more than anything else, "I think it's time you kept your end of the deal and called your brother. It doesn't feel right to me. I'm not the kind of girl to run away and get married without permission."

"Let's be honest you aren't the type of girl who gets married."

"We'll see about that," Alex ran her left hand over her abdomen and winked at Piper as the blonde rolled her eyes like a petulant teenager and grabbed her phone from her purse and told Siri to call Cal. She held the phone up between the two of them as it rang twice before her brother answered.

"Hey, sis. You never call, you always text unless something is wrong. What's up?"

Piper took a deep breath, "I'm getting married to Alex."

"And the sky is blue and water is wet."

"I'm getting married to her tomorrow night."

"How long have you been planning this?"

"Officially, almost a month. We always planned on getting married after Alex got out of prison."

"Where? Maybe I can make some excuse and come. I won't tell dad if you don't want me to."

"Vegas. I love you but we want it to be just my three closest friends and us. We're planning on having a big wedding in a few years."

"Why the rush?"

"You won't be a bratty baby brother and tattle?"

"We aren't talking about a broken vase here, Pipes. This is the love of your life and the choices you've made together as a couple."

"Okay, we are planning to try to have babies. We have an appointment to start IVF when we come back from our honeymoon and we've been researching and preparing ourselves to have kids."

"Our?"

"Yeah we are both going to try to get pregnant."

"Hopefully not at the same time."

"If our road had been different, never in a million years but we have work with what we have, so, yeah, at the same time."

"You are crazier than I thought."

"Just be thankful you'll never know what it feels like to be a woman nearing the end of her fertile years sooner than she would like. You make some choices you never thought you would when your fertility becomes measured in months. There's no guarantee we'll both get pregnant anyway. I mean, that's what we're hoping for because we'd like to go through the experience together but as long as we get one baby we'll be thrilled."

"Good luck. Maybe we can meet for lunch soon."

"Can you escape to Ithaca next month? We're looking at houses Upstate and I have my final interview with an immigration law firm that helps LGBT asylum seekers get into either the US or Canada. I've been reading up on Canadian immigration law in my spare time, it's not too dull."

"Nothing could stop me. And before you ask, yes, when I said we I meant you, me and Alex. If I'm gonna have a sexy felonious lesbian former drug dealer for a sister I kinda wanna meet her."

"You know those aren't even the most interesting things about her."

"Yeah but at this point, I don't know much else besides she led you to a lifetime of deviant behavior. She turned you into someone dark, dependent and soulless."

"I'm glad to know you think so highly of me, Cal."

"I'm-"

"Don't apologize if you don't mean it."

"And I was that person. I went through hell. I watched someone I cared about get murdered in front of me then I was kidnapped and forced to watch my lover and best friends, my prison mom be tortured in front of me. I survived, maybe not unscathed but I survived and that's all that mattered. I'm not healed but I'm healing. And I'm trying to help Alex heal."

"So shouldn't you concentrate on that?"

"You married a chick you had only known for a couple of months and got her pregnant the first chance you got, so don't lecture me about timing babies. There will never be an ideal time, at least not when we are still in a position to become parents."

"There's always adoption."

"Yeah because agencies are really in a hurry to adopt to queer people at all, much less a pair of lesbian felons, one of whom is an addict. We would fail a simple background check miserably. The only way we're having kids is if we birth them."

"Maybe you should take that as a sign that this is a bad idea and learn to live with the consequences of your choices."

"I am. Maybe my conclusions aren't yours but if I've learned anything the past few years it is that you have no fucking clue what you will actually do until you are faced with an impossible choice. I gave up enough of my basic human rights, I'm not giving up my most basic right as a woman and neither is Alex. And the last person who should be asking us to do that is a heterosexual cis-white man who chooses to act poor. You don't get to tell a woman what to do with her body, not now, not ever!"

"Okay, Piper. I trust you. Every time I was sure what you were doing was completely insane you've proven me wrong. I'll be there for whatever you need. You need me to come up and put the nursery together or be the man in their life I'm there. How are you getting the, um, stuff?"

"An anonymous identity release donor, we have our top ten. We'll probably go over profiles on our honeymoon."

"Is that considered newlywed romance and making a honeymoon baby for lesbians?"

"Until it turns into an inevitable deathmatch, yes. There's candles, massages, and wine. Flirty glances and stray hands-"

"Okay, Piper. I've watched enough to porn to have way too good of an idea what lesbians do with their hands and I would prefer not to imagine my sister doing those things."

"They're calling our flight. If you can stay up until midnight your time tomorrow night, I'll do a video call before we head into the ceremony. And I think they have a live stream when we get to Vegas, I can figure out how that would work and send it to you."

"I'm sending you an invoice for my coffee and energy drinks."

"I think there's a little wiggle room in our wedding budget," Piper started to hang up but she heard Cal take a deep breath so she put the phone back to where it had been nestled between her and Alex, "Congratulations, Pipes. And Alex, yes, I know you've been listening the whole time, I could hear you breathing and figured it had to be you, I'm giving you a chance don't do more damage to my family than you've already done."

"I really do love her. If you don't believe another word I ever say, believe that. Piper is the only person in the world who matters to me and her affection is the only thing I care about in the universe. She's my everything and I'm going to do right by her. I didn't mean to ruin your family. I found a screwy way to get revenge and remind Piper I existed and I never had a family other than my mom so I didn't know how it feels to be part of one. I know none of that makes it right but I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm truly sorry for any pain I've caused you. I know I can't make it up. I would like to say if I could do it over, I wouldn't have named her but I can't. I have a lot of regrets but that isn't one. It was the right choice; it was wrong but it was also right."

"I understand. Life isn't simple and things are rarely black or white. Just take care of her. She's all yours now. Take this as me giving her away to you."

"You could never know how much that means to me."

"Don't play me for a fool, Alex."

"I won't. They are calling our group now."

"Have a safe trip. Let me know when you get in. And Alex, send me your number."

"Will do, Cal."

"Bye, bro. Love ya."

"Love you too."

Almost six hours later, Alex and Piper stepped out into the sticky heat of the desert sunset and the blinking lights of the Strip against the rose-colored setting sun. They quickly found an Uber and soon Piper was looking at the Bellagio fountains below our hotel from the window of their suite while Alex washed off the travel stink. All these years later, her beloved still ran for the shower before she did anything. Everyone from Kubra on down in the ring knew it and accepted it as the price of doing business with the drug lord's best trafficker. Some things never changed. Piper was lost in thought when a sopping wet Alex Vause came up behind her wrapped in a towel that might have concealed something if she weren't taller than the average height for a man, let alone a woman. Alex stood there a moment licking her lips and boring a hole through the blonde's shorts and through the thong she knew they concealed before making her presence known.

"Nice, isn't it?"

"Breathtaking."

"I dunno, my sweet, it could be better. Remember that hotel in Dubai," Alex asked with soft passion as she removed Piper's top and pushed her pink silk covered breasts against the window and began planting tiny kisses along her neck as she pressed her hips against Piper's ass and ground against her to the music in her head.

"God, yes. I don't know what view I like more—the beach or a city at night."

"We're spending a night in Los Angeles in two days, you'll get both soon enough."

"I can't wait. Can we really afford all this?"

"Do you forget what I used to do for a living?"

"Yes, head of travel for a drug ring. You didn't traffic heroin, you found people to do it and made the necessary travel arrangements."

"But yet that's what I went to prison for."

"And you went to prison for money laundering, which is equally hilarious. So what do you want to do first," Alex teased as her hand began to stray down Piper's tight core and to her swollen clit.

"Something that won't get a couple of felons arrested for indecency. We don't need to add a sex conviction to our illustrious resume."

"How about I take care of the needier soaking wet thing in this room and then we get ready to go out dancing? I bought you a hot dress."

"Someday you will let me choose my own outfit to go out on the town."

"But you always look bangin' when I dress you. Don't you want me to spend all night thinking about how badly I want to fuck you?"

"It shouldn't matter, in twenty-six hours I'll be your wife and soon I'll have your baby in my belly. I should be the only thought on your mind, regardless."

"You fit sample sizes so well."

"In other words, I'm your little doll."

"Wanna go to bed and I'll show you how I used to play with my dolls? Girls like me don't have to come out, we get caught teaching our Barbies how to scissor until we learn more enjoyable positions."

"You will never be allowed to clean our daughter's toybox."

"Your favorite Barbie had a threesome with Belle and Ken more than once."

"Fuck it, we'll just have late-night playdates and clean up afterward."

"That's my girl," Alex whispered as she guided Piper to the bed while the blonde pulled off the brunette's towel and let it fall on the floor. Piper forced Alex to break their kiss while she palmed as much of Alex's tits as she could. She pushed Alex against the wall and dipped her head down Alex's chest and around her breasts in smaller and smaller circles until she reached her nipple and Alex arched her back enough to force it into the younger woman's mouth. The two women's hands found each other's pussies and tore through the other one's folds with frantic passion. Their orgasms were overtaking them at an unusually rapid pace. Piper decided to add fuel to the fire because she liked it when it was hard, "You know this is probably your last fuck before you are a legally married woman."

"And it's your last chance to get fucked like the slutty little nasty woman you are."

"We are almost too fucked up even for Vegas."

"We don't even rank in the top thousand for fucked up Vegas weddings. We've known each other for longer than a night."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Alex, feel free to scream it as loud as you want."

"I'd love to, just I haven't been given a reason to."

"Your line was, 'what do you do, Alex?'"

"I just told you what you do, me, whenever I want until I die cause we both know we're like Johnny and June. You are too ornery to leave me behind in this world even if you were suffering beyond what most mortal humans can endure."

"Well, Johnny Cash and I do have a lot in common and he was an asshole but a cool asshole so I'll take it. And you dress like June and got my ass to walk the line."

"Fuck me, Vause."

Quicker than Piper could blink she was on her back with Alex's tongue searching for embers between her legs while Piper struggled to breathe until just before she fell off the edge, the older woman stopped. Piper was so lost in her need that she didn't hear Alex crawling up the bed and sticking her pussy in the blonde's face as she laid on top of her and licked her clit while three fingers ripped her open and plunged inside her. Piper started to lick like a lost explorer who had finally found an oasis in the desert. As her climax got stronger it got harder for her to not scrape her teeth across the brunette's fragile folds. The two women eventually found the spots that would force their lover to let go. Piper tried to keep her eyes open so she could see the view of Alex's ass as she made sure she got what she wanted while also making sure she soaked up every drop her lover had to offer. She savored Piper's comforting warmth as she used her body to find complete sustenance. When she was momentarily satiated, Alex rolled off Piper's body and nestled her head on the younger woman's taut abs. She planted soothing kisses and massaged Piper's modest breasts as she brought her down from her high. This was the moment she missed most when they had been in prison, having time to work her soft, sweet yet strong girl down from her high. Alex never felt more needed than she did when she looked into those stormy eyes and listened to her heart struggling to recall its normal rhythm. Five hours later, they were at a twenty-four-hour club in tight red mini dresses with plunging necklines. Piper had on gold gladiator-style heels and Alex had bright red Louboutins and neither one was wearing underwear. Fifteen minutes earlier Alex had disappeared on the dance floor; Piper saw her chatting with the DJ, she could guess what the woman was doing but she knew she would act surprised and she would be because there were so many songs she could choose to dedicate to her.

"I'm getting tired, baby. And the alcohol is going to my head."

"Just one more song and then we'll leave."

"I'm not going to guarantee the condition I'll be in."

"That's fine, I love to take care of my girl. I have strong arms and I'm an expert at killing hangovers. How many times have I held your hair back while you were throwing up?"

"A lot, they weren't all alcohol related."

"Yes, but they all were from epically bad, insane decisions. I'm looking forward to holding your hair back for a good decision for once."

"Me too. Maybe soon I'll get to return the favor."

"I'm Irish, neither beer nor babies make us throw up. We're only really good at two things."

"Sure, Vause. We shall see," Piper answered as the DJ came over the loudspeaker.

"It appears we have a happy couple who are finally taking the plunge tomorrow night after over ten years together! Alex and Piper all the way from New York State," a spotlight searched the club until Alex smiled and waved while my mouth was aghast and eyes were as big as saucers, "Alex would like to dedicate a song to her soon-to-be wife, Piper. This is the first song she dedicated to her and the one she asked for at clubs around the world as they shared a lifetime of crazy adventures and fell deeper in love every day. Their relationship hasn't always been perfect but they've always had love and laughter. This one is for you Piper, from your queen, Alex Vause."

Alex took Piper's hand as the instrumental intro came on and held her tightly as the song began.

_Looking from a window above, it's like a story of love_

_Can you hear me_

_Came back only yesterday _

_I'm moving further away_

_Want you near me_

_All I needed was the love you gave_

_All I needed for another day_

_And all I ever knew_

_Only you_

Alex sang the lyrics in her ear and spun her around as the spotlight tracked their every move and people cheered. After the song, the couple got some late-night burgers at one of the all-night burger bars at the Venetian before heading to their suite and climbing into bed naked. Alex pulled Piper's back into her front and held her tightly, "was that the bachelorette party you wanted?"

"Better because it was just you and me. Our friends are great but they are also dumbasses who would have ruined things. It was perfect."

"I miss those dumbasses. I don't know if I'm more or less worried that Litchfield hasn't been in the news in about a year and a half."

"You should send her a letter on hotel stationery, seeing something from Vegas would make her day."

"You are always full of solutions, Pipes. I love you."

"I love you too. Don't stay up all night watching me sleep, tomorrow is going to be a big day."

"I'm so excited and you are so adorable when you suck your lip in your sleep."

"And you are a grouchy asshole when you don't get your beauty rest."

"Okay but only because I want to make sure you don't get cold feet and go all runaway bride on me, my pretty woman."

"Not another word from you, Vause."

"Night, Pipes."

"Go the fuck to sleep, Alex."


	5. Only Fools Rush In

The next morning, Piper woke up to nails raking up and down her spine. She could feel her skin prickle and hairs stand on end as her body recognized the hand on her warm skin before her head did. She loved waking up like this. Alex was the only human being alive that could make her love spending mornings in bed. Even before she had been a competitive distance runner she hated being in bed if the sun was up. She wouldn't exactly call herself a morning person just one obsessed with productivity, a woman who wanted to have and do it all. Piper smiled into her pillow and shifted her body just enough to give her open access to her body but not make Alex think that she was awake. She felt the nails on her back slowly become a hand cupping her ass and lips kissing her beauty fish. When the older woman still didn't get her desired response she started tracing the tattoo with her tongue while massaging her ass cheek just barely too high to hit her perineum and the opening she could tell was dripping with need until the blonde could no longer hold back a sigh.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"I wasn't sleeping!"

"Keep telling yourself that, Pipes."

"How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to win five hundred dollars on a hot slot machine, have a coffee with a shot of whiskey and get my beautiful girl a vanilla iced almond milk latte. But you don't really want to hear about my morning right now, do you, baby?"

"I like hearing about anything you want to tell me. Being able to talk to you whenever I want still hasn't gotten old and at this point, I don't think it will."

"You really mean it," Piper felt Alex's finger just barely graze her perineum and she tried to shift her position to make the pulsating feeling in her clit quiet down enough to not explode, "Really, really mean it," Alex's husky, seductive voice whispered in her ear as she thrust two fingers deep inside her without giving her even a millisecond to get used to the intrusion. She pumped her fingers harder until Piper said the magic words, "I want you."

"That's already been established."

"You know what I mean."

"No idea," she teased as she traced her shoulder blades with her tongue and twisted her fingers around inside Piper's tight center to loosen her up a little.

"Is that how this is gonna be, Vause?"

"I know what _I _want but I'm not a mind reader. I know you pretty well but your mind is just too hard to read."

"But I thought that was your favorite thing to do."

"Your mind is too diabolical for me to read," she teased as she reached her other arm around the blonde's toned, overly taut abdomen.

"I want you to fuck me."

"Didn't your mother teach you basic manners? God, I have to fucking teach you everything."

"Now might be a bad time to bring up mothers."

"What worried you'll lose what little grip on reason you possess and convince yourself my fingers are so magical they might make you a mother?"

"Like I'd stop them if they could."

"Well right now the only thing between you and being a good little wife and making your better half a healthy breakfast is one tiny word."

"Fuck me, please," she felt Alex withdraw her hand slowly and roll her onto her back, "Al," Piper added breathily before being rewarded with a kiss that started on her lips and didn't stop until the brunette reached her clit. The kiss quickly became sucking everything Alex could wrap her lips around while she massaged her breast before dragging her tongue through the moisture already pooling on her folds. Alex looked up for a moment at Piper's skin glowing in the late spring desert sunshine and as much as she liked seeing her prey writhing underneath her; she had to admit this was an even sexier scene. Piper laid on the bed relaxed, ready and overflowing with sweet bliss. And she wanted every drop of it in her mouth. She dipped her head down and hit the right spots like it was her own personal locker combination that opened a prized treasure box. Moments later, Piper was hitting the headboard with so much force Alex was worried she might break her hand as she screamed and gyrated her stiff body while the brunette dug her face as deep into her pussy as she could. When Alex was done, she kissed the blonde's sweaty body.

"Today only gets better from here."

"I don't think anything could ever be better than that."

"You wanna bet? It is Vegas, after all, you can legally bet on anything. And I live to make your every dream come true. It's our wedding day, so it can and it will. Do you want to go get breakfast or should I order something," Alex asked sweetly while she playfully twisted her fingers in Piper's golden locks.

"I'm not ready to move yet. What time is our spa appointment?"

"Eleven. Then we have to go get our marriage license."

"I can't believe today's the day. I didn't think it would ever come."

"I had a feeling I would. It was the only shred of hopefulness I ever had in my miserable little world. You were like this technicolor flower that grew in the black and white gutter that was my shitty life. You brought color to my world whether I wanted it or not."

"God, you are such a lesbian sometimes," Piper interrupted in a half teasing tone.

"Only sometimes? I must be getting lazy in my old age.

"Yeah, like when you say things like that."

"How about when I wake you up purely to get your permission to eat your pussy? I mean c'mon only lesbians ask to eat a girl's pussy."

"Alex Vause, may I eat your pussy," Piper fired back in a commanding yet playful tone.

"I see what you did there, Pipes. Okay, only queer women ask that and you of all people should know that. Save the bartering for an outdoor market."

"I don't know if that digs out an inch out of your hole."

"Haha, you said inch and hole."

"Real mature, Al. And to think I'm going to marry you and raise children."

Alex stripped off her tank top and reached her hands back and unlatched her bra. Piper watched the hinge fall to her sides and the straps fluttered down her shoulders while the cups slipped enough to give the blonde a mouthwatering view of her tits, "Yes, because you are jealous of my bra right now and just want to rip it to shreds and fuck my tits."

"Am not!"

"You are just full of lies this morning. I'm going to order breakfast," she leaned over with her bra partially off and kissed Piper while she reached for her phone, "what we do while we wait is up to you."

A few minutes later Alex walked back into the bedroom from the separate living area still with her bra partially on but now with her black denim shorts unbuttoned as well.

"What if we're not done before the food gets here?"

"Like that would be a first for us?"

"No, baby, definitely not. It probably wouldn't even be the hundredth."

"But if it'll soothe your tongue's performance anxiety than I'll remind you, I'm not a rookie and I told them it's my wedding day so don't knock. And they said they'd send up a free bottle of champagne without me asking. Marriage isn't so bad if it comes with free alcohol."

"That's the only thing you like about marriage, Vause?"

"It's the front runner at the moment."

"Come," Piper said with a tone and posture that showed exactly how much she had learned her lover's quirks over the years. Alex shot her that same flirty smile Piper usually would if the tables were turned and for the next thirty minutes, she let dom Piper do whatever she wanted.

A few hours later Alex knocked on their bedroom door, "Babe, c'mon we have to meet the photographer! How long does it take to put on a dress?"

"I keep trying to get the zipper. Maybe we should have invited the girls. Except you and Mia can't be anywhere near each other. Why do my best friends always have to turn into your enemy?"

"I don't know. Maybe because having a bad picker seems to be a Chapman family trait."

"And yet in approximately two hours you are going to be one, Alex Vause-Chapman."

"Yeah and I still want to have your baby. Now let me in so I can help you get dressed, you ridiculous human!"

"But I wanted you to see me when I was all dressed," Piper said with an audible pout.

"It'll be okay. Doesn't seem anybody else is woman enough for the job."

Alex heard the door click open and saw a slightly downtrodden Piper, "Shh, baby. It's okay," she whispered as she pulled her into her arms and held her tight around her waist with one hand and her head in the other.

"It's just…not…just…nothing like," Piper stammered as she began to breathe heavily with uneven, heavy gasps.

"I know, it's nothing like you thought it would be. And maybe you aren't getting your dream this time but you do get to call me legally yours so you win. You are an amazing woman and the only thing more precious and rare than you is our love. Our wedding is going to be fun and special for us."

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you too, Piper. Now before you ruin my suit, dry your eyes and be the strong badass woman I made you into."

Piper pulled back a little and finally took in the sight of Alex in a loose black suit that was tailored perfectly around her ass and breasts but flowed off everything else. She had a white collared shirt with a buttoned-up black silk vest, a ruby necklace with dark red heels.

"Damn, you look hot."

"Only look?"

"You are the hottest woman alive."

"Only woman?"

"Creature—living, dead or mythological," Piper replied with rolled eyes and raucous laughter.

"There's my love muffin," Alex teased as she zipped up Piper's strapless white silk and lace gown, "Now let's fix your makeup. Oh, I almost forgot your present," Alex let Piper go and ran over the closet and pulled a Swarovski crystal and ruby tiara and a necklace that matched hers, "Cause you are my princess and I wanted us to coordinate. And I know you aren't into presents that die."

"They are beautiful, baby. I didn't know what jewelry to pick. I brought pearls because I always thought that was what you were supposed to wear on your wedding day but I'm not that kind of girl."

"Yeah, there's only one pearl you want anywhere near your skin."

"Well and her pearl."

"Mmmm…now I'm going to be thinking about your mouth on my clit until we get back to the hotel."

"It'll make the energy even more palpable."

"Do you really think it'll change anything? After all this time do you think it'll make a difference? That's what I never got about gay marriage, to begin with. I never saw how recognition mattered."

"It's powerful. I don't know. I never really cared about marriage, it was something I was supposed to want. Then we went through the things we did and I knew I didn't want to miss out. I'm still not a total believer and I don't think anything will suddenly change but I want to be your wife, for whatever it means and as long as we have left on this earth. We'll still be the same Alex and Piper with the same fucked-upness. I don't know if it'll make a difference but I know either way it can't hurt and I want to," Piper responded while Alex fixed Piper's makeup, made her eyes smokier and put her hair up in a messy bun with two curled ringlets of blonde baby hair framing her face.

"What do you think, babe?"

Piper didn't say anything, just sat with her mouth open in front of her makeup mirror.

"That bad, babe? I know, I'm a little rusty at giving already gorgeous young women makeovers."

"No, it's amazing, baby! I was struggling to feel like a bride before you came in here but now, I don't just feel it, I see it. I never really imagined my wedding day but if I had it would have been something like this look."

"What do you think about my look?"

"Perfect. I'll never know how you look like this without any help or being a health nut."

"Hey who cooks in our house? Is it so wrong that I consider sex the only workout I need? I like to dance too, maybe we can do that more often."

"Like salsa dancing, like normal couples?"

"Well, yeah. Unless that's too dull for you."

"It sounds kind of fun. Just no ballroom or anything resembling ballet."

"Never, babe."

"Ready to get married?"

"Yes. The limo here yet?"

"Should be here soon. We can plunk a few quarters into a slot machine while we wait."

"Sounds like what the Vause-Chapmans would spend their last premarital moments doing."

"Yeah," Alex answered as Piper pulled on navy blue heels.

"Look at you with your something blue. You have the jewelry that's new. I'm old as hell. And-"

"Oh, you should see what I borrowed."

"Is it the black lace thong you are always stealing from me? If there is a God and he does love murderous lesbian former drug dealers let it be the thong," Alex joked.

"You'll just have to wait and see now, won't you. Now let's go before we are late to our own wedding because we are too busy fucking," Piper commanded as she got up and took Alex's hand then guided her out of the room and into the casino. Heads turned as they walked in the room in their wedding attire and a few groups of gamblers even applauded and cheered as they talked amongst themselves about the beautiful lesbian brides. Alex looked over at Piper a few times to make sure she was okay with being called a lesbian, making sure the blonde knew she was ready, willing and able to punish someone in the mouth at her request. They took wedding pictures in front of the big Vegas sign and the Paris hotel's Eiffel Tower before heading to the chapel where they were getting married.

They walked down the aisle together to "She Keeps Me Warm" before standing in front of a man in a white and gold Elvis suit with naturally black hair and dark eyes.

"Which one of us is more beautiful," Alex whispered when she caught Piper checking him out.

"You, my love."

"Then keep your eyes on your bride."

"Are you ladies, ready," Elvis asked as Alex kissed Piper's cheek, "Take each other's hands and face each other. I know that's probably the easiest thing you've ever been told to do, you two are so beautiful and in love. I've been doing this a long time and you are one of the cutest I've ever married."

Both women were beaming as Piper put out her hand for Alex and this time Alex tried to rush the part where the brides kissed.

"Well, you two seem to have the kiss part perfected. I get paid by the ceremony and it's a slow night, kiss all you want."

"We're ready."

"Alex, you have elected to go first, correct?"

"Yes."

"You may begin."

"Piper, we have done everything in perfect time. Perfect not because it was to any outside observer but perfect for us because every step, good or bad, has gotten us to this night where I am looking into your eyes and pledging that as long as you live you will be my only girl, well unless we have daughters and then you are on your own. I will always take care of you and even when the monsters that live within you escape their cages or you give me a migraine from how ridiculous you are being, I'll still be by your side and back you up against anybody who threatens you or us. You are what makes life worth living. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have made it this far. You are the reason. For every breath I've taken since the moment you walked into that bar. Every step, every thought, every beat of my heart. And there are so many things that if I could do over again, do differently I would. But that's not how the world works. I've been an asshole and put my thirst for everything else other than you first. And I can't fix it, sorry isn't going to make it better but I can pledge to do better. To be the partner you don't just need but deserve. You are the breath in my lungs and the one who knows the words my heart sings. And I am so grateful I found you. I love you and give you all I am and all I have."

"Piper," Elvis told the blonde as Alex wiped away a tear while trying not to ruin her eyeliner. She mouthed 'waterproof is shit' and Piper laughed and beamed as she regained her composure.

"Alex, I have spent so many years trying to believe what everybody else says about you but I never could. I remember the first time our eyes met and then when you waltzed over so confidently and coolly, it turned me off but at the same time, my body was screaming because the most beautiful human being I had ever seen was talking to me. You wanted to know me in your own way. I remember the first crack in your demeanor I saw, the moment I first saw you laugh and my lust instantly became love. I had never been in love before and it wasn't how I imagined or had been told it would be but still I recognized its name. Our life was crazy and then scary but you made me feel safe and loved when you were the real you. I pledge to give you the nurturing you will never admit you need or give yourself. To remind you that it's okay to ask for help and not everybody abandons you. To not push you but to give you space so you can soar and open up in your time. You have an amazing heart and I'm so grateful that in my life I get to call it the one made for me. The one that coordinates with mine. I love you. You are my first, my last, my only. You are all I'll ever need. With you, my hands and heart are overflowing. I'm looking forward to what life has in store for us. I don't know what will be but I do know that no matter what we'll get through it as long as we're together as a united front. I love you, Alex Pearl Vause-Chapman. I am yours and you are mine as long as my heart beats and there's breath in my body."

"I love you, Piper Elizabeth Vause-Chapman."

"Do you have rings?"

Alex reached into the breast pocket of her jacket and produced two platinum rings with circular-shaped diamonds encircled by tiny rubies and diamonds.

"Alex! Those are beautiful!"

"Well, I couldn't let you wear a keyring forever."

Elvis smiled and took the rings from Alex's palm, "Piper, place this ring on Alex's fingertip. Repeat after me, Alex, I give you this ring as a pledge of my love and as a symbol of our unity." Piper repeated his words and slid the ring up her finger.

Elvis then turned his attention to the uncharacteristically beaming brunette, "Alex, place this ring on Piper's fingertip. Repeat after me, Piper, I give you this ring as a pledge of my love and as a symbol of our unity," the brunette became overcome with tears as her shaky voice repeated his words and she struggled to slide the ring up Piper's finger through her tears. Piper pulled her hand from Alex's grasp and wiped her eyes, not caring that she ended up with black makeup on her finger, makeup that she knew would show in their post-ceremony pictures for the rest of their lives but she wore that eyeliner like a badge of honor. Elvis then pronounced them lawfully wedded wives, the terminology they had chosen, and told them, "you may now seal your vows with a kiss." Alex slipped Piper some tongue and the blonde went with it as Elvis started singing "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You" as they walked down the aisle together.

_Wise men say only fools rush in _

_But I can't stop falling in love with you_

_Shall I stay? _

_Would it be a sin_

_If I can't stop falling in love with you?_


	6. Hungry Vampires and Horny Beasts

**A/N: Enjoy the smutty dom Piper action that only sorta moves the plot forward but sometimes girls gotta have fun and Vauseman have their own ideas...one of our favorites is coming back next chapter now that our favorite couple are hours away from her**

Four days later Piper and Alex stepped foot on Polynesian soil for the first time in nearly a decade. The two had spent a leisurely day hiking in Malibu and going out in West Hollywood before heading to the airport for two days in Auckland. They both glanced around with childlike enthusiasm as they stepped out into the sticky, sweet air, taking in the tall palm trees and the salty smell of the ocean hit their noses.

"I could kiss the ground right now," Alex exclaimed out of nowhere.

"How about you just kiss me instead?"

Piper watched as Alex looked around nervously and she remembered the sixteen months of airports, heroin and young queer girl love with a sexy, powerful older lesbian. She remembered all the rules that she just accepted because Alex knew things she didn't. But now they were as close as they would ever get to being equals. There was a time Piper had to be taught how to live in the world and be safe as a queer woman in the world but now Alex was the one with something to learn. Alex was the stranger in a new world and Piper the one who knew how to live in it slightly better than the brunette.

"Baby, don't worry. You can kiss me if you want. I get why we had to be careful in airports before but everything has changed now. You don't have to worry about remaining invisible so you won't get caught with shit in your bag."

"Yeah, but…"

"I'd like to think the world has changed just a little bit in the last decade. I know this world is still evolving and some countries are ahead of others and ours isn't even close to the forefront for progress. And maybe not much has changed other than the world turning me into the sort of woman who asks another woman to kiss her in public because she is so consumed by her love for the amazing human being she was lucky enough to fall for twice."

"Do you mean it or are you just saying it because me not being the strong, badass bitch and good-time party girl is a buzzkill for you?"

"I mean it. I love the real you, not the image of you that you think everybody wants. Maybe I didn't always but I love the version of you that I married. Not the version of you I left in Paris. And I know not all the versions of me have been loveable and a few have been less loveable than that version of you. So kiss me you fool. I mean unless you don't want to kiss your hot blonde wife. And that makes you look a whole lot more insane than kissing the pavement. People spit on the ground and worse."

"And kissing is a spit-free environment?"

"Yeah but that's spit you stood up on an altar and said you didn't mind having in your mouth for the rest of your life."

"You are an adorable, crazy little goofball," Alex replied in a tone that was both annoyed and amused that she seemed to save only for Piper.

"Yeah, but that's why you love me."

Alex scanned her eyes from Piper's collarbone to her thighs, "Well, that's not the only reason but it's up there."

Piper's eyes followed the same trail but on Alex's body, "You aren't too bad either. Pushing forty and not a drop of Botox yet still with that same youthful glow."

"And the deathly pallor of a hungry vampire."

"Too bad there aren't any hot girls to kiss. You know, ones you are making try way too hard to get a kiss."

"Well, it doesn't work if the girl has already been turned, haven't you read any vampire literature?"

"They sparkle, right?"

Alex rolled her eyes with that look on her face that killed most but pushed Piper over the edge every time. She crashed into Alex until the woman gave in to her kiss.

"Mmmm…took you long enough."

"This was your plan the whole time, tease me until I kiss you?"

"That's been the name of the game since day one and it works every time. Now let's find the hotel shuttle and get to our room, so you can remind me that I'm not married to someone with the relationship maturity of an eight-year-old boy with a crush on the cute little pigtailed blonde girl."

"Oh, I have more than a crush. I want to make cute little blondes with the adult version of the girl who probably got more erasers to her back than she wanted in elementary school."

"Let's get on it then."

"Let's," Alex replied as she took Piper's hand and smiled with a look full of softness and the deepest love. They drove along rocky roads for forty-five minutes until they got to their private oasis of a resort. They were upgraded to a small bungalow when the man at the desk found out they were on their honeymoon. Alex was the one entranced by the tropical foliage giving them a bit of privacy from the private beach feet away from their bungalow. Piper came up behind Alex and started kissing her shoulder and nibbling at her neck.

"You aren't the only hungry vampire."

"Again, not how it works."

"Rules aren't any fun."

"But they separate us from the animals."

"Well rules are only rules because somebody decides they are."

"Okay, you anarchist feminist."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. I have a constant thirst for two things: justice and Alex Vause-Chapman's pussy and right now I'm on my honeymoon so the only injustice I care about is that a sexy woman like you isn't getting fucked in paradise."

"You know what happens when you poke a horny beast."

"You risk making little beastlings?"

"Something like that," Alex replied as she let Piper turn her and lead her to bed as they threw off all their clothes without caring where they landed. Piper laid her down and kissed every inch of her body as her fingers teased the woman's pussy until her lip began to tremble along with the rest of her body.

"Something you want, wifey?"

"You know what I want."

"No," Piper planted a kiss just below her pubic bone, "clue," she said before planting a long kiss just above the top opening of her slit while her fingers rubbed just underneath her breasts. Alex broke out in a moaning, heaving sweat as Piper's teasing became relentless. She was going to make her beg for it. Alex made her beg for a simple kiss so now that she was in complete control over Alex's body, sexuality and mental faculties she was going to make her beg for it in the worst way. She knew Alex didn't have the self-restraint that she did. When she needed sex, it meant she needed it now and from the first available moderately attractive light-haired female. But that was the old Alex. Everyone said Alex ruined Piper but really it was the other way around. Piper would have been the way she was even if Alex had left her alone all those years ago but the reverse was the furthest thing from the truth. Alex knew she was going to either have to ask for it or have a seizure and she still had shit to do.

"I want your perfect tongue on my golden pussy. I want you to rip me open and make me cum in your sexy mouth."

"How much do you want it," Piper teased after planting a lingering kiss to her clit.

"So bad. So, so, so fucking much. Only you know how to make love to me right. You take me places I never knew I wanted to go."

"Wish I could say the same thing about you but your ill-timed attempt at sweetness just ruined the moment and reminded me of all the places I've been lately that I never wanted to go. This was going to be so slow and sweet and gentle but now I am going to fuck you hard until you are a noisy puddle on the bed."

Piper proceeded to do just as she promised and soon Alex was behaving like a chained beast/she-demon hybrid past the point of consciousness. She no longer felt pain, just overwhelming pleasure as Piper made her do something she had never done before as liquid streamed out from deep inside the older woman and pooled underneath them. When the stream stopped flowing, Piper kissed back up Alex's body and the two laid together like content newborn kittens, tangled up in each other as they slept against the warmth of each other's skin and the soothing sound of their heartbeats until they decided to order room service.

They spent most of the week either putting on their bikinis or taking them off. In between, Alex read through a couple of books and Piper lived in the water. They walked little markets hand in hand and went hiking along waterfalls that turned into jumping off, throwing their bikinis onto the rocks and fucking in a cove every time. They spent a day revisiting their favorite haunts in Sydney before heading back to reality in Ohio. After the past few weeks, every second spent in Ohio felt soul-crushing so one day they left just like they had arrived, with next to nothing. Except they were leaving Ohio together with two weeks booked at a Radisson in a small town near Ithaca. They smiled and held hands across the console as they turned onto the highway heading towards Buffalo, the road opened before them and the sun danced on the aluminum signs along the highway and huge billboards tried to convince them to pull off the highway for a McDonald's or some ancient no-name family restaurant that had somehow managed not be swallowed up by Denny's or IHOP. They were free to love and live as they chose. The world was theirs and with every mile their determination to prove that they were good women capable of doing amazing things grew.


	7. Bunnies with Knives

**A/N: Finally, we get to meet Nicky...also there is a major plot twist buried in this chapter. What's wrong with Piper? Any guesses? How will it affect their initial plans? Lastly, I would just like to mention that many opinions Nicky shares in this chapter are not anywhere near my own (aka writers do not control their characters and this chapter made me want to slap some sense into Nicky...luckily I have Piper for that.).**

"Baby, time to wake up," Piper cooed as she pushed aside a blue highlighted lock of wavy blue-black hair, exposing one of the purple highlights underneath her hair. This hairstyle had been done at Piper's suggestion as a way for Alex to take back control over her body and ability to have complete free choice as well as a way for her to feel like the good parts of the old Alex again. The two had been in New York for two weeks and were getting ready to move from the hotel to a furnished one-bed, 1.5 bath sixth-floor apartment in a luxury complex in Syracuse near the SUNY medical school that catered to people relocating for positions at the medical center so they were used to temporary month to month tenancies. Alex had gone to her first therapy appointment with a forensic psychologist who specialized in formerly incarcerated women that had been recommended to them by multiple organizations that helped formerly incarcerated women. Her policy was that she didn't cooperate with cops or the justice system and only reported dependent abuse like her license required. She had clients who did unspeakable crimes, including against children but as long as they weren't currently harming children she listened and helped them understand their behavior like a therapist dealing with any other abnormal or psychological issue or an unhealthy coping mechanism would. Piper had sat in on the forty-five-minute intake but sat in the waiting room scrolling the therapist's bookshelves during Alex's actual appointment after she finished filling out the intake form she gave to the client's primary support person to fill out privately.

Piper had been holding onto a surprise for weeks, since the first time she had to contend with Alex's thoughts of Nicky and how much she missed her. She had to admit that it made her jealous. It meant someone else came anywhere close to her position in Alex's world and even worse it was someone she loved too. She had to admit she missed her too and had been waiting for this day since she had finally received a letter back from Nicky four months ago. She knew Nicky had been left hurt and that pain wasn't easy for her to set aside. Still, she agreed to put the two of them on her visitor list after talking to Piper for fifteen minutes. She hoped this would turn out to be a reward that would encourage Alex to continue her progress towards learning to be true to herself and not believe the hype around her. But even as Piper's attempt at rousing her wife became less gentle she was worried today would go horribly or Alex would just be moody and refuse to get out of bed as she had taken to doing recently. She wasn't pregnant yet but since they put the deposit on ten vials of sperm she sure was starting to act like it.

"C'mon sunshine, let me see those pretty green eyes."

"Mmmm…nnn-oooo. You want to die today?"

"No."

"Then fucking let me sleep!"

Piper rolled Alex onto her back with little fight from the older woman and climbed on top of her naked body as she started kissing her and grinding against her clit.

"So you are trying for a painful death then. Making me wake up and topping me."

"Admit it, you like it. You are just a newlywed domestic goddess who likes to get fucked and can't wait to give her new spouse a child."

"You suck."

"Babe, have you forgotten already? That was you last night."

"You had better never tell a soul."

"Queen of the Lesbians Alex Vause likes to give BJs, that? Never. After all, baby, what happens between a married couple behind closed doors is sacred as long as nobody gets any bruises they didn't ask for. Maybe tonight will be the night you'll get your wish."

"It's not a joke, Piper. Sometimes I wonder if you even want it!"

"Of course I do, just not as much as you do. I want to be a mother, I just don't have a strong need to give birth. I was taught pregnancy is just something that happens to a woman and dodging it became a sport and I haven't met a sport I didn't excel at yet."

"I just never expected to be the domestic one. I'm the dominant one."

"Whoever said you couldn't be both? Some chick had to invent cowgirl. You were put on this earth to satisfy. And I am the free-spirited soul who needs to see the world to be happy. You never needed the travel, you would rather sit in the hotel reading or playing cards back in the day instead of sightseeing in all these amazing countries."

"And I don't regret it. I'm glad you convinced me to play tourist though. And woman on top power bottom moves is more your thing."

"Yeah, you like to take it on your back, you are so unimaginative."

"Why does my sweet wifey have a death wish this morning?"

"Cause I have a big surprise but if you don't get up soon it'll be too late."

"I just want to sleep, Pipe-eerrr," Alex groaned as her eyes went from the angry slits to wide open and struggling to focus, "Take care of your morning needs on your own," Alex teased as Piper quickened her pace and pressed her pussy harder into the brunette's cunt that was growing with moisture and brimming with need despite Alex's desire to fight her biological drives taking over as she succumbed to the pressure building in her belly as she felt Piper's skin dragging against hers. She swatted in the direction of her wife's breasts as her hand-eye coordination improved as she slowly caved to Piper and her desires yet again. She should feel like crap and in another life, her inner voice would be screaming but Alex had to admit that if a better way to wake up existed she didn't want to know about it, "I'll make a deal, as soon as you make me cum I'll get up."

"I thought you were going to ask me to do something challenging."

"It's only easy for you. You have fifteen seconds."

"That long?"

"You are wasting your precious seconds."

"Don't," she hit the spot on her clit that could make her wife combust if the mathematical formula of angle and pressure was followed perfectly, "need them," she teased as Alex started moaning and she entered her as the brunette rode out her orgasm.

"I love you, Pipes. Even if you are seriously the worst."

"Yeah but I'm the best where it counts."

"I will neither confirm nor deny that assertion, your Honor."

"There's the sarcastic asshole I love."

"Aw, she loves me," Alex beamed as she beckoned Piper into one last kiss before they climbed out of bed and into the shower. Piper picked Alex's clothes to make sure they would pass the dress code requirements for visitors, white slacks and a black silk shirt with a flowy scoop neck silk blouse and black heels.

"What would I have to do to find out where you are taking me looking like this?"

"Take it like a bitch tonight."

"Never gonna happen. Besides I like to see your face when we make love. I like looking in your eyes as I let go."

"That's the least Alex Vause thing I've ever heard. I'm starting to think they gave me the wrong inmate back in February."

"Nope, just I became Mrs. Vause-Chapman and everything changed in a blink of an eye when my waterproof mascara gave up the fight."

"I love you, Mrs. Vause-Chapman."

"And I love you too, other Mrs. Vause-Chapman," Alex replied in a tone that was both sweet and teasing with eyes overflowing with love and devotion.

"If we leave now, we can go to that diner we found the other day for breakfast."

"Morning sex and blueberry pancakes? What did I do to deserve all this?"

"I thought the only thing you hated more than shower sex was sex before coffee?"

"And yet like fifteen years later you're still trying both. I've learned not to fight Dom Piper, she is a self-healing creature with infinite health so that only makes her stronger. I just give in and get what I can from it so I don't make things worse for myself, especially now that I left her in a dog crate in a Vegas hotel for a couple of hours and married the host. So tell me what I did right unless you don't want me to replicate whatever desired behavior I have recently engaged in."

"You were your best you and accepted help when you needed it instead of letting yourself believe you were unworthy of being saved or being anything more than a drug dealer. You finally listened when I said you were put on this earth for a purpose other than moving heroin. And that's just the first part of today."

After breakfast, Alex napped in the passenger seat while Piper drove. Piper didn't care, it would make the surprise even better if she had no chance of recognizing the scenery until they arrived at Litchfield. Besides, Piper missed watching Alex become so comfortable in her presence that she gave up complete control. A chill passed through Piper's body as she pulled off the highway and the razor wire became progressively overwhelming and then the smell of the prison hit her. She pulled into the visitor lot and for the second time that morning woke up her wife.

"Baby, we're here."

"Mmmm," Alex groaned before her senses became aware of her surroundings but once she did, she could feel her heart race and like someone socked her in the chest, "Why…why're we h-h-ere? I don't know if I'm ready to go back in there. I've only been in therapy for one session."

"I'll be with you the whole time, baby. I know it's scary but somebody in there misses you a lot and nobody comes to see her and she is alone in there. She told me she misses her best friend."

"N-nnn-nicky? Wh-wha-when you talk to her?"

"I never stopped. Just it wasn't until recently that she replied to one of my letters. Then we talked on the phone just before we left for Vegas. She agreed to a visit with us."

"Bu-Bu how you add me?"

"I'm your wife, I know your social security number and driver's license number by heart. Actually, your social I never forgot. It's legal."

"Sure, Pipes. Marriage just gives you carte blanche to do whatever you want. Fuck me whenever, steal my identity, commit fraud, sure."

"I just wanted to surprise you."

"Yeah into an early grave."

"You aren't dying, you are just having an anxiety attack. Take a few deep breaths and do the finger exercises I taught you. We won't go in until you say you are ready."

"If I'm never ready?"

"Then you have to deal with Nicky when she calls and yells at me."

"I want to see her. I'm scared."

"You don't have to see the cellblocks and the bitch was moved to a prison in the Deep South that is more fucked up than Litchfield cause she made a deal of her own."

"I know. I'm worried it'll bring back the last time we were both here when I said what I said."

"Then it does and you grab my hand as hard as you need to; until you convince yourself that I'm real. We are married and doing the things newlyweds do."

"Yes, spending all our free time looking at houses and working on making babies?"

"Yeah."

A few minutes later Alex was ready to go in and as promised they saw nobody who recognized them from before and were led back to the same visitor booths.

"I'm so glad they didn't have these in Ohio," Alex exclaimed as she steadied Piper on her lap purely because she could get away with it.

"Me too. Although if we could have visited each other like this in Ohio," Piper trailed off as Alex pulled her into a kiss that turned into a make-out session that was steamier than it should have been. Eventually, they were jarred out of their moment by tapping on the glass and Nicky mouthing, 'hey lesbians,' as she motioned her head towards the phone with that annoyed New Yorker look that she got when she was truly pissed. Alex grabbed for the phone on the wall and held it between her and Piper's ear as Nicky rolled her eyes at the couple.

"Well, good to know some things never change," Nicky barked at the couple once they had the phone comfortably nestled between them.

"Very funny."

"I'm just saying if I got a day off my sentence for every time I've seen you two sucking face, I would have gotten out before you, Chapman."

"You should know my wife is a good kisser," Piper asserted as her jealousy became aroused by the way the two friends were looking at each other.

"Alex has rules unless your name happens to be Piper Elizabeth. I realized that real quick. That's why we didn't last longer than like a week."

"You two never kissed?"

"We just fucked a few times. It was fun but she's all hype."

"Believe me, I know that and I tell her that all the time. Only Alex Vause truly believes Alex Vause's hype. She's the best wife a woman could ask for and nobody can say she isn't skilled at what she does. When it comes to sex, she isn't special."

"What a sweet thing to say about the woman who popped your gay cherry," Alex interrupted with a commanding tone and fiery lust in her eyes.

"Well, of course, you are special for that. And I chose to spend the rest of my life only having sex with you for a reason," Piper replied sweetly with a hint of sarcasm before nuzzling into her wife's shoulder as she planted tiny kisses on the blonde's temple.

"Geez, you two are like bunnies with knives," Nicky groaned.

"What do you think, Pipes," Alex asked sweetly as she played with Piper's hair.

"Thanks for the compliment, Nicky. They run out of hairbrushes at the commissary?"

"I always heard lesbian couples turn into each other but geez, you are like a mini-Vause."

"You knew a piece of me. Now I get to be myself. How are things?"

"Not great. Litchfield is treated like a stain on the system and your little stunts didn't help any. You could have made a difference. You could have gotten people with actual power to wake up and realize we are people's daughters and anybody could end up in here."

"I made my choice and I'm not sorry."

"Obviously. All you two care about is yourselves. As long as you two are free to sneak away and fuck you could care less about anything else happening around you. You got them to screen the guards, guess what now they just took their neuroses even more underground and who is administering these tests? They are fucking giving them to each other and passing by any means necessary."

"I didn't ask to be anyone's savior and I don't want to be. I have a passion for justice and change but I get to choose how I want to do that and for whom. I have my hands full taking care of Alex. And I had too much to lose. If someone is going to make a change, it has to be someone with skin in the game and nothing to lose. I wasn't willing to gamble with the woman wasting away before my eyes, losing the already fragile grasp she had on life. We both stood on a similar road that diverged similarly and made opposite choices. Yours worked for you and mine is working for me. What's stopping you from standing up? If you have a better solution than why aren't you suggesting it? You have power too and unlike me, you have nothing to lose."

"You have a point. I just think you are wasting your status."

"Again, something I didn't ask for any more than you asked for yours."

"I guess a reluctant activist doesn't help the cause. So are you guys still in Ohio?"

"We've been living in the Finger Lakes region for a couple of weeks," Alex answered, "But we are moving into a short-term furnished apartment in Syracuse."

"I woulda thought you would've gone back to Manhattan."

"Cities make me too jumpy. I like the country life. We get to be anonymous and I don't have to worry about being in the wrong place at the wrong time as a convicted drug dealer," Alex answered.

"And I love being near nature and the water. I feel free."

"Blah, blah, blah. I can't get back to Manhattan fast enough," Nicky replied before smiling and changing the subject as she looked around, unsure how much time she would be gifted to visit her friends, "I know Piper is doing gay asylum law but what are you doing with your life, Vause?"

"Well, I've been doing business consulting and I took a few business classes but I don't love it. I'm good at it but it's not my passion and even though I tell Piper that it's her money she insists on sharing it with me so she tells me I don't have to do anything I don't want to."

"Like someone used to tell me, easier said than done, isn't it, baby," Piper asked her wife and Alex agreed.

The brunette then turned her attention back to the crazy-haired woman across the glass, "I've been writing little notes of things I would want to tell my daughter about my experiences as a girl and a woman in a man's world. What I would want her to learn from my life. What I would want her to know about Diane and what it means to be a daughter and the thought process you go through when deciding to become a mother no matter what the cost. I don't know if she'll want to read it, let alone anyone else. But it has got me looking into taking creative writing courses at the community college, I love books like Piper loves running and water."

"Your daughter, eh? I knew it! Chapman's got a girl-dick! And here I was thinking Vause flipped Chapman the whole time. Guess I was wrong, Chapman is gonna be a daddy! Congrats, man, you did the unthinkable. Is it a grower or a shower? I'm going with Pornstar cock, judging from your unique ability to make Alex Vause a groveling little bitch. And I know how hard it is to satisfy the sex demon queen herself from personal experience so she seems like the sort of woman who would need a big cock if she were wired to have that desire. Oh, well, either way, it seems like it got the job done. No wonder you never wanted anyone but Alex to see you naked. What happened? Things go a little too far one night? Too much homecoming sex followed by too much honeymoon lovemaking? And bam, Vause is with blood-sucking demon? Wait, you didn't knock her up on purpose, did you? Did Vause confess her deepest desire to breed one night and then you two made magic happen as she stared lovingly into your eyes the moment you let loose your seed and made her old dyke womb fruitful? It's a fucking miracle of Biblical proportions! Didn't know either of you had it in ya!"

"I don't have a dick, well not one that isn't purple and made of silicone with no balls and definitely no sperm with which to fertilize my wife's lovely eggs. And I'm not telling you anything else about my wife and I's sex toy collection and how she takes her cocks. Not that she'd stop me from busting a nut inside her if I did have that ability. She'd probably be begging for it as she cries and screams like an aging bitch running out of time to receive the ultimate gift. And c'mon who in their right mind wouldn't want to put a baby in this perfect specimen of womanly curves?"

"I can't even begin to imagine what Vause knocked up would even look like. And now I have the image of Vause getting knocked up in a more traditional manner burned in my head forevermore. Thanks Chapman, I didn't already have enough mental scars to contend with. I may never be able to get it up enough to penetrate a woman again thanks to your ass. How is a woman who likes indiscriminately sticking her tits in chicks' mouths gonna look at her daughter and be able to you know do what she needs to do?"

"Gross, Nicky. I can separate the two. I'm sure when I'm sore and engorged the last thing I'm going to be thinking of is sexual gratification, not that feeding my baby won't be equally if not more gratifying in its own way. Anyway, how I choose to feed our baby is a decision between me and Piper! I might not even choose to breastfeed or do so directly. But I don't even know if it'll happen. I have this sinking suspicion something is wrong. They had us go separately and rerun our blood tests and now they want to discuss our options after sending Piper for additional testing and scans. Bad luck is the only kind of luck we know. If something bad can happen, it's likely to happen to us."

"That you are writing your hypothetical brat notes proves she exists somewhere in the universe in some way. Especially that you are convinced you are going to have a daughter. Maybe your luck is changing. Maybe plan A won't work. Maybe Piper is infertile but you have the desire to carry and with that body, c'mon all it would take is a drop of sperm anywhere near your cunt and bam baby. And with your sex drive, you are probably a regular fertile myrtle. And I've seen how you are. You are always so maternal. You are a natural-born caregiver. You try to hide it but you do a really shitty job, Vause. I figured at some point you would get tired or done with mothering Piper and decide to mother an actual child that sprang forth from your loins."

"Silvia got to the point she didn't need me anymore, then I found Piper and eventually she grew up too but the difference was I still loved Piper. I'm nearly forty, my mom's been gone for over a decade and still not a day goes by that I don't call on her. I still need my mommy. But I always had that part of me that wanted to be needed and for a while I could quiet it by fucking younger women and then I found out I'd be getting out of prison while I could still bear children and I felt like sixteen-year-old Vause again who thought that having a baby who would always love her sounded like a cool idea until a boy's body on mine felt like sandpaper the first time and every time afterwards made my skin crawl before he could get to completion. But now I'm a grown woman with a wife and a need to prove there isn't anything I wouldn't do to show my love for her. And it's no longer a cool idea but about appreciating my body and the power of true love to create something greater than us."

"So are you going to like unleash swimmers and let them wreak havoc on your girl parts or let the conception part happen in a dish and just put the embryos in your womb?"

"Our plan was simultaneous reciprocal IVF but I don't know what the clinic will suggest."

"When do you go?"

"Around three weeks. We're seeing the enrollment counselor and meeting the RE who is going to work with us and develop a finalized plan. I'm so fucking nervous and still struggling to come to terms with I have no control over any of this. It's the most out of control thing a woman can do and since we are too many rungs above primordial ooze, she can't do it on her own. There are so many indeterminable variables. If I can get pregnant, when I'll get pregnant, what'll happen to my body, when the little bastard will vacate the premises and just when I think it's over my body will expel all the space junk that comes with childbearing and my breasts will start making milk and then I'll have a whole other crop of issues that I can't control. And I'm learning now that there's a clinic involved, I don't even really get to choose how I get pregnant. And yet, despite all that and all the shit I know I'll have to deal with as a non-traditional gestational parent I still want it. I'm still not sure why and it makes no sense but other than Piper's heart I've never wanted anything more."

"And I'm certain that'll change as soon as she sees a tiny heart beating in her belly. I'm expecting to be demoted and honestly, I want it that way. Sometimes I think she already does want it more than me. She'll never admit it but it's fucking obvious that if she had to choose between the two, she would dump my ass in a second and raise her baby on her own."

"Keep me posted guys and you had better not deprive me of the once in a lifetime experience of seeing Vause with a baby bump."

"I don't know if I'll be able to visit when I'm pregnant, I don't want to subject my baby to the stress this place makes me feel as is. And I'm going to be high risk, I don't exactly trust the hospitals around here. But I'll send you pictures. And don't assume I'm only gonna have one baby bump in my whole life. I'm not that ancient. I'm not saying I will or I won't but right now I'm keeping all my options open and I know I don't want my kid to be an only child and we both know why we wouldn't wanna do that to a child."

"We're losing our greatest dykes to medical science turning them into either mom-bots or transgenders. And looks like one of the strongest goddesses of our kind has fallen from grace. Oh well, as long as you are happy, Vause. Besides, I can understand a woman wanting to carry a child way better than one who wants to chop her tits off. Maybe bring the squishy thing to see Auntie Nicky?"

"I'll think about it. How much longer do you have in these lovely accommodations?"

"If I keep doing the classes, staying clean and being a positive role model for the new girls I'm looking at early release as soon as sixteen months from now. I just signed up for a peer counseling program that helps students get substance abuse counselor certifications if they have a year."

"And do you?"

"Yeah, I do. I never thought that would fucking happen. That was up there with pigs flying. But oh, well, guess it's a brave new world. I'm sober, you're procreating. And Chapman is finally setting aside her unrealistic need to always be perfect and fighting back. I know I give you guys a hard time but it's only because I see who you both actually are and how much you both love each other when you aren't busy being self-sabotaging idiots. You two have amazing hearts, you give a shit even if you constantly go about things so wrong and you are both too smart to have ever ended up in this shithole. I'm glad you two got your shit together and are going to bring a life into the world. That is going to be the luckiest human being ever born. That kid is going to be so loved and wanted and I know you two will be the best mothers ever. What are your plans for after the brat vacates your no longer perfect pussy? You know once that thing gets stretched to full size there's no going back, Lorna told me before she totally went off the edge and she was right everything about that part was different and he didn't even end up coming out that way."

"I'm planning on working from home. I like making sure a healthy homecooked meal is on the table every night when my wife comes home and that her breakfast and lunch are prepped in the fridge before I go to sleep. I don't love cleaning and doing laundry brings back lovely memories but hey at least the only nasty draws I'm washing are my wife's and my own."

"Please adopt me."

"Funny, Nicky. I kinda don't think you can adopt a grown woman who has slept with your wife but I'm not in family law so what do I know. But you will always have a place in our family as a little sister."

"Or you could just admit your feelings and turn our triangle into a circle. I mean c'mon we would make a cute throuple."

"Yes, you don't clean, cook or work and you have no desire to care for children, what exactly do you think you'd bring to a poly household? Also, you aren't my type. Besides you have seen Hulk-Piper at her worst, do you really want a piece of that?"

"Yeah, you two are jealous bitches. And as for your type—I have seen you with like four different people and can't find the thread of what links them besides pounding your pretentious little pussy into submission. I'll stick with life as your sister."

"If you need anything let me know. And send me your account numbers," Piper added.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. But if I put money on your account it is only for you. Don't be like my wife and buy Boo candy until I give in and let her get away with it. I just told her don't get caught. I knew she was doing it to buy protection and c'mon we both know Alex is all hard candy shell but I'd rather keep that between the three of us."

"I won't. Thanks. I miss your faces. Can I see one last kiss for the spank bank?"

"What do you think, Al?"

"I will take any excuse I can get to kiss you," Alex responded as she started kissing the blonde and subtly rubbing her inner thighs.

"That'll keep me out of trouble for a while," Nicky looked over her shoulder at the guard supervising her, "Well, looks like the dragons want me back in the cage. I'll try to call this week and in the meantime, you concentrate on doing what you need to do to make me an auntie."

"Oh, I'm sure we'll go home and get right to work on that. Remember you are never alone. I am always thinking about you and I care about you so much," Alex told her friend seconds before she hung up the phone and the couple watched her be handcuffed and led out of the visiting booth as the two got to go outside, get in their car and head home. It felt surreal but for the first time the road was getting clearer and more colorful as Piper listened with great interest to Alex talking about her dreams of making her own stories and writing advice columns and manuals for young women the whole hour and a half drive back to Ithaca.


	8. Sweet Sunshine and a Used Black Umbrella

Piper's eyes darted around the room nervously as they fell on various models of female reproductive anatomy and thinly failed ads for fertility meds that hung around the office while Alex sat there stoic and composed as always while they waited for the conversation that would change the trajectory of their lives forever. Neither of them could predict what would happen and Piper had long felt this would just be another stop on her journey through a life of broken dreams and dashed hopes.

"I still can't stop thinking something is really wrong. That this will just be another thing I get my hopes up about and then it doesn't happen. I just wish they would have told me what the hell they were looking for when they did all those extra tests and why they only did them on me," Piper told her wife when she finally noticed the smirking beauty beside her, if it weren't for the tattoos peeking out of her black tank top she'd look like every bit the typical woman who would be sitting here—middle-aged, in love and full of hopeful optimism that she would be told the promise of motherhood was not lost for her thanks to the advances in modern medical science. Piper felt like she was the sadder reality of a similar coin—the woman who should be able to do this on her own and about to be told exactly why she can't.

"Babe, it'll be okay," Alex responded as she leaned over and kissed Piper low on her neck.

"Those words ring so beyond hollow from your lips at this point as sexy as they are."

"I know we've had a string of bad luck but if life has taught me anything it's that your luck can change at any moment. Besides as long as I have my sweet little ray of sunshine, I'll be fine."

"That's the understatement of the century. What do I get? If you get sunshine, what do I get to get me through the storms?"

"You get a lovely black umbrella with a tricky spring that anybody else would throw in the trash but you've figured out all the tricks for how to use. Would it really be all that devastating to you if they told you that you couldn't have a baby? That your body and its eggs were useless? You never wanted to get pregnant. You were still filling your birth control prescription three months after we were living together."

"Remember that time I totally freaked out because I realized I had forgotten to take a week of pills?"

"Yes, and I responded by laughing then bending you over the bathroom counter and fucking you until you couldn't take it anymore. When I was done, I whispered in your ear that you were a ridiculous human and no matter what I did my dick wouldn't get you pregnant. But you still kept on the pills until I finally started finding ways to get rid of them until you just stopped putting forth the effort. You hated them anyway so I did you a favor."

"Yeah, going back on them was so much fun."

"That was your own poor decisions."

"Really? Just mine? Nobody else in this room made poor choices that led to me needing to go back on birth control?"

"Did I say that," Alex waited for Piper to shake her head no before continuing, "I made some decisions that fucking shitty isn't even a strong enough descriptive term for. My point is pregnancy was something that always felt like the end of the world for you, even now that you are married and want to raise a child with my lousy ass," Alex looked down at her with every ounce of playful sarcasm she possessed oozing from her pores and Piper couldn't stifle her laughter.

"Well, I guess as long as at least one of us is fertile I'd be happy. I just want a healthy green-eyed baby. Preferably of the female variety."

"Yes, because there isn't a scenario where you don't prefer the female species."

"Like you are any different."

"I don't know. I've always seen myself having a son. My mom didn't name me Alex because she was hoping for a girl. It's because it was the only name that she had that could work for one. It was the one thing she wanted but never got and I want to give it to her, even if she won't be around to enjoy it. And I want a boy to carry my name."

"You just want to feel like a productive, acceptable woman in society and that involves making a dick. You always have to have something to prove, except now it's 'see how good I am.' See I really am a perfect, unstoppable woman."

"And you don't want a boy?"

"Not particularly. I mean I won't leave my son to die in a forest or love him any less because he has a penis but I'd be perfectly happy if I never had one."

"You had better not. Or I'd move to a cabin made out of candy in the woods and find him while I honed my witchcraft skills to use against man-hating bisexual feminists who like taking dick but not making them and eating little girls," Alex answered as the doctor shuffled in with a harried demeanor. He was a middle-aged, average height Pakistani man with a fairly light complexion and a few extra pounds.

"Sorry to keep you ladies waiting, we've gotten off schedule today. It's tough in this line of work to predict patient needs," he told the two women as he sat across from them at his desk.

"I guess that means you care about your patients and that's what I want in a doctor, especially when I'm old as hell and trying to get pregnant," Alex replied.

"I'm Dr. Farzad and I run our reciprocal IVF division. Do you have any questions before I give you your results and lay out the plan that I have come up with for your treatment here?"

"Why did you choose to specialize in helping queer women specifically," Alex asked.

"I came from a very conservative background and had never met a gay person who admitted it until college but I feel that every woman who wants a child deserves to have one and be treated competently and with understanding. Science can fuel men's egos or it can give women hope when they had none and that's the medicine I want to practice. We strive to help every woman who comes to us have children in a way and at a time that works for them. Does that answer your question, Mrs. Vause?"

"Yes, thank you. Babe, anything you'd like to ask," Alex asked with a sweet, soothing tone she typically only used when they were alone but she sensed the arrival of the doctor only made her wife more jittery so she pulled her close and smiled at the man across from them who was taking this opportunity to look at their files on his desk one last time, "My wife is just nervous. She never thought she'd end up in a place like this and for her, this is just the latest in unimaginable places I've made her end up. I'm sure she'll wake me up at three am full of questions and anxiety. My phone knows to go to Google when I wake it up in the middle of the night with hazy eyes."

"Well, feel free to call any time you need, Mrs. Vause. I would prefer you to get the correct information," Dr. Farzad replied, "And you are both okay with me sharing your medical information jointly?"

"We're currently wearing the same lip gloss and we're married. And she tells me everything."

"I do have to get patient consent from your wife directly. Mrs. Vause-Chapman, are you okay with sharing your information?"

"Of course. It's our baby."

"All right, then. I have bad news and good news."

"Just give it to us straight, doc," Alex replied as she watched Piper trying to hide her laughter like a blushing little girl and doing as good as a job as one, "Pardon the bad pun. A sense of humor is just another one of my lovely defense mechanisms that I'm quite skilled at. And this one seems overly entertained by after all these years and being on the receiving end of some of my worst work."

"Our staff has said you were one of the sweetest, most in love couples they've ever seen."

"Even your psychologist cause I was sure we blew that one and we'd end up in some back alley trying to get a dude to knock me up while I had an out of body experience," Alex joked since the doctor seemed amused by her earlier shitty attempt at humor.

"She had some reservations but ultimately felt you two deserved a chance to become parents. All couples have their struggles and we didn't find any issues that disqualified you. As long as you stay clean and in treatment for your PTSD as long as you are a patient of our clinic. We all feel you two have a loving, stable environment to bring a child into. Now for the results of your tests. There were some unexpected findings. What we would have expected to have seen from Piper we saw from you and vice versa. Alex, you are typical of the lesbians we've seen who came out during a time when kids weren't considered a possibility and now see younger lesbians doing it and wonder why not me. If you weren't gay then you likely never would have interacted with our clinic, even if you were trying to have a baby at forty. Your ovarian reserve and quality are both excellent and your uterus is in great shape. You have the hormone levels we typically see from a woman a decade younger and your vitamins have increased. I would still advise that you stay on the iron and folic acid on top of the prenatals you are already taking at least through the first trimester."

"Can you give me something for the nausea then? Ginger works okay but I still have trouble keeping them down."

"We can give you a script, there is a newer drug we have been using lately for morning sickness we prescribe as our first line of defense against treatment-related nausea."

"Thank you. I didn't want to resort to drugs but if I'm looking at months of these vitamins, I don't think I can handle it."

"And I'd hate to see such an ideal candidate give up on motherhood. Now, Piper, as for you the news is pretty grim. You are the type of woman who we would have seen either way, typically after multiple miscarriages and years of being emotionally and physically worn out from trying on their own. You have multiple markers for PCOS, your case is extremely mild and we are still optimistic about our ability to get at least a few good eggs from you. It might be more difficult but your reserves are good and you are in very good health otherwise. Your most concerning issue is anatomical. Your uterus has severe structural abnormalities and would be unlikely to sustain a pregnancy to term. Now there is a minimally invasive surgery we could do but there are no guarantees that it would be successful. There would be recovery time and all the risks that come along with surgery. But if you got the surgery and it failed insurance would definitely pay for you two to do reciprocal IVF, likely the full cost."

"And if I don't get the surgery then what are our options for having babies? I'm not sure if I want to have elective surgery."

"Well, we wouldn't feel comfortable implanting an embryo into your womb but anything else is an option. We have something that our lesbian couples have started asking for a lot lately since gay men started combining samples more often. We implant one embryo from each woman into one of them and then leave the rest to chance."

"I like that idea. But it's Alex's body so ultimately it is her decision. What do you think about having all the babies?"

"This is the thanks I get for years of mistreating my body, life as an aging brood mare?"

"You were bound to have a good gene kicking around in there somewhere, who knew they were all in your reproductive organs? And there's still a chance that we'd have a baby that looked like me. And it would be pretty cool, crazy but cool."

"I don't know, I thought we decided to only do single embryo transfers. I'm scared enough to carry one baby, I don't know how I feel about carrying two."

"C'mon, Vause, nothing intimidates you. Are you really going to let fear control you again? How did that work out for you for the first thirty-seven years you tried it? And technically any time there is one fertilized egg in your body you always run the risk of it becoming more than one. If anyone can handle birthing multiples it's you. You are the most badass bitch ever born and I'll be even more there than if we had been having the twins in our respective wombs. If its what you want I will be there every step of the way. And I will let you choose to have a nice scheduled c-section if there's two."

"Oh, nobody is cutting a damn thing unless they plan on ducking first. The only part of this I plan on doing the easy way is getting it in there. And maybe taking nausea pills because I'm a wimp when it comes to feeling sick to my stomach."

"Yeah tell that to the fish on my neck. Who knew you'd come over to my side when it comes to growing humans."

"Who said it was going to be human?"

"What else is it going to be, a puppy?"

"Some cloven-hooved lizard creature that's going to spring out of my body like I'm Sigourney Weaver in Alien. But I'll love and protect at all costs anyway. If we go this route I will make your life hell. Two words, ultimate retribution for every time you've made me do something I didn't want to do by using psychological warfare and your body to get your way. All those times you've begged me to get you something only to change your mind, I'm gonna get you back. You will be making three am my wife has a craving runs whenever I tell you to. And when the time comes you will take the abuse when I'm in labor with our babies. Even if I scream and throw things and tell you to leave you won't."

"We're here because you told me to leave and I didn't listen. Do you think I'm going to let you at your worst rob me of seeing my baby come into the world? Bring it on baby. But if you eat anything completely ridiculous, I will laugh."

"But you'll try it if I ask you to take a bite, right?"

"Of course. And I'll give you massages every day and if you are awake, I'll be awake helping you in any way I can."

"How can I say no to that? And just cause we put two in doesn't mean we get two. And you're sure it won't matter?"

"No. There are parts of it I'll miss, like being the first to feel it's kicks and watching my belly get big and breastfeeding. I'll miss experiencing those typical ways mothers bond with their babies and those special times."

Dr. Farzad cleared his throat before inserting himself into the couple's conversation, "Actually if breastfeeding is important to you, we have a doctor we've sent some of our mothers who can't carry but are able to breastfeed safely. He has excellent success rates at helping women who have that desire to experience the benefits for mom and baby. It's typically not enough to be the sole form of nutrition but he's done amazing work. I can set you up with a consultation before you leave."

"I'd like that."

"Okay, then. I will get you all the scripts and appointments you need to start the process. We already have your cycles synched up so that cuts a lot of time out. I am confident that in six to eight weeks we will be transferring embryos and you'll be going into the fall with a baby in your belly."

"So when would we be doing the transfer," Alex asked, trying to begin picturing what maternity wear she'd be forced to invest in and how long she could get away with not having to deal with people's judgment of her choice and worthiness as a mother.

"Judging from your cycle, I'm thinking late June or early July. And because I've done this for long enough to know the real question, you will likely have a baby born in the second half of March. And you will be pretty big at Christmas. Actually, you should pass the point of viability right around the holidays. Especially with your height you probably won't be showing over the summer so it shouldn't impact your body in a swimsuit, you just might have problems finding one that fits your breasts."

"Are they really going to get that big? I mean they're already huge, how much bigger do they need to get?"

"We can't predict that but women's breasts naturally swell no matter how large or small they start and the size they start at has no bearing on anything else. I wouldn't worry about that, you really do have the ideal frame for childbearing and that you are so healthy after all the trauma your body has been through only speaks to its resilience and how easily it'll bounce back after baby. And I know surgeons that give our moms deals on makeovers because they are sensitive to women who have experienced infertility and know many of these women have had a difficult enough experience existing in their bodies without feeling broken."

"Well, I guess we're doing this thing," Alex stood up and shook the doctor's hand and Piper followed suit then he led the couple back to the waiting room.


	9. That Smile That Rules the World

The night before the embryo transfer Alex took extra time tidying up the house before bed and making sure there was enough food prepped in their fridge for at least the next week because she knew she would be on total rest for the next twenty-four hours and likely not be up to much for a few days after that. Piper had been distant since they went to the doctor and all she seemed to want to do was sit alone in a dark room and cry. She didn't want to talk and every time Alex tried, she told her that she didn't want to hear it. Alex knew what two people her wife was trying to avoid bringing up and it wasn't doing either of them any favors. They couldn't go through their lives not talking about Larry and Polly any more than she could say she hadn't once thought about Silvia and wondered where her life had led her if she was okay, was she still sober? Piper didn't need to know that there was a moment she could have named them both but she didn't. That's the one secret Alex would take to her grave. Piper couldn't survive such an admission. What Piper was struggling with on her own wasn't anything like Alex's secret. Alex could survive a conversation where the words Larry, Polly and Carol were bound to be mentioned and Alex wasn't going to let herself lay on that table and accept their embryos into her body until the two of them talked and Piper took steps towards combatting her understandable depression. She wasn't going to carry a baby when they were back in this place where they weren't connecting, as much as she wanted to be pregnant, she didn't want to bring their child into this. If Piper needed time to grieve, she could pause their plan. Their twelve embryos were frozen in time except for the two they planned to transfer and the doctor told her she likely had a decade if not more left to successfully carry a baby to term. She knew neither of them wanted to wait though. So they would have to talk. Alex put on some water to make honey lavender tea and put together a quick chocolate mousse with pudding, whipped cream and leftover chocolate cupcakes they bought the other night when they celebrated their twelve embryos, the knowledge that depending on who you asked they were officially mothers. Alex strode across the apartment with the quick dessert, after adding some frozen mixed berries to the top, and Piper's iced tea.

The brunette switched on her bedside lamp as she set the treats down and climbed onto the bed. She started rubbing Piper's back as she looked around at the mess of Kleenexes and chocolate wrappers that surrounded her side of the room.

"Hey, babe. I made you some tea," she reached for the glass tumbler with its bamboo lid and steel straw, "And if you turn around and take a sip then you can have your other surprise," Alex told her wife lovingly as she tried to stifle the urge to talk to her like a misbehaving toddler, even if she was being one.

"Ooo…what did you get me?"

"Not telling. Now let me see those pretty blue eyes."

"They aren't pretty. They are just puffy and bloodshot."

"Well, if their human would stop crying and start talking maybe they wouldn't look so awful."

"So you think I'm ugly? I'm hurting. You will never know my pain. You are one of those bitches who is extremely fertile and can just have a baby whenever she wants, even at forty. Having a baby is an afterthought to you. You always just get to do whatever you want, whenever you want. You did everything wrong and you get to have the babies and I did everything right and I'll never know what that feels like. And I want to blame someone, be mad at someone but the two women that would be easiest to direct my anger at are the two I'm the most tired of aiming all my anger at."

"Still mad at Carol? Because we aren't talking about the shit you said about me, I'm going to write that off as the insane mumblings of a depressed ridiculous human."

"Well, it's slightly easier than being mad at you and it's more her fault."

"Why does it have to be anybody's fault. And I don't even know if I believe all that crap you've been reading about masculinized wombs and leftover testosterone. Even if she did take something or her mother did and it affected her female child down the line, it's still not her fault. Somebody convinced her it was okay. That it was safe. Women were barely out of the days where doctors told them to smoke during pregnancy to keep the weight off and the richer you were and more access to doctors you had the crazier things you were told. Knowing what you've told me over the years I don't think she would have harmed you on purpose, she's a cold-hearted bitch but even she has her limits. She showed up during the riot. And maybe she hasn't done much since but you have to carry on. We created the beginnings of twelve little lives together."

"And that just scares me more. I never imagined there would be twelve. And what if I give this thing to my daughter?"

"Then you show her how to get through it. You tell her that she may be devastated and angry but you survived and so will she. You are not your diagnosis. Is there anything else this is bringing to mind because I know there is. And if we are going to move forward with making our family, I need you to say it. And I will not be making you any babies until you do. I can't. We need to be on the same page from the moment these embryos decide how long they feel like sticking around for."

"You really want to hear about my sex life with my ex?"

"If it's making you like this then yes. It's not my favorite topic to discuss but I'm here to be your partner. Nothing is off-limits. We have both had other lovers and a few we've had actual love for. I wish I had been the only one ever and you wish you were mine but that's unrealistic. We aren't teenagers."

"It makes sense why for as irresponsible as we were with birth control Larry and I only had one scare and it was negative but then he goes and gets with my best friend and about as soon as possible after giving one man a son, she gives one to another. She doesn't even care or have to try. She's a horrible human being and she gets two kids like it's nothing. I always knew I was the one with the problems in my relationship with Larry and this just confirms it. I can't do anything right, the way that I'm supposed to. What's wrong with me?"

"Not a damn thing. You are perfect."

"No, I'm not and there's no way in hell even you believe that."

"Would I marry and bear children for a woman who was anything less than perfection? I could have anyone I want without trying and I want you. You are my perfection. You were never meant to follow the crowd. You were always meant to run ahead of the pack and make your way, on your terms. You fell in love with a woman. That will never be wrong. You have a busted womb that is highly unlikely to carry a baby to term. You get to feel anger and sadness but you don't get to set up residence there. You have to get out of this bed and appreciate the gift you have been given. You have a woman who loves you who has both the desire and ability to give birth, even if it makes her head spin and she knows she'll have to face judgment. And you know I don't handle bullying well, you know how easily I shut down emotionally."

"You know you'll still be just as intimidating and able to kick ass in heels with a belly full of fetus."

"Yeah except it's a little harder to tell you to hold my fetus than my purse so I can cut a bitch."

"Just know I would. I'd still do anything for you, even knowing the consequences and now that I'm no longer the naïve girl you met at the bar who just wanted some adventure without considering everything has a cost."

"I'd do anything for you too, babe. And I promise to tell you every little thing and the moment I so much as think I might have felt it move you'll know. I'll share every little thing. And c'mon you are getting the better end of this deal. You don't have to deal with morning sickness and getting fat or a stretched out pussy. You will still look like an unblemished young woman in your old age both inside and out. I'm already damaged fruit, you will always be perfect Instagram no filter quality fruit."

"I love when we go back to the improv class when we need to reconnect."

"The hot tub downstairs is still open for about another half an hour. We could go for one last dip. It's our last chance. And I want the last thing I do before I'm fully responsible for a tiny human and have to put someone else's life before my own to be sneaking wine into the hot tub. Do you really want to deny me one last hurrah before motherhood?"

"I thought that's why I took you to sushi tonight."

"Yes, because that's what you would miss. Sake bombs and raw fish were fun but I want to relax and prepare my body to receive the gift of our embryos."

"So you're gonna go through with it?"

"Yes, you idiot. But don't you dare shut me out once I'm knocked up or I'll leave you and take the contents of my womb with me. And remember, legally all twelve embryos are mine. I'm capable of suffocating a man, I'm definitely capable of stealing an infertile woman's embryo, implanting it in my womb and raising it as my own. Why not add kidnapping to my rap sheet? And I'd make sure to run away somewhere you would never find us. You would always have to deal with this piece of you roaming the earth that you could never hold or know."

"You are a horrible woman."

"But I would much prefer to put an offer on that house you think is too big but I'm in love with and raise our children together."

"What are we going to do when people ask who the real mother is?"

"Ask why it matters and if it does tell them we both are the real mothers. If our kids want to know then that's different and I would take a DNA test on the spot. Are you ready to do this? It's okay to say you need a little more time to grieve."

"No, I'm tired of this bed and my nose hurts."

Aw, poor baby," Alex cooed before kissing Piper on the nose until she shifted her legs and giggled, "There's that smile that rules my world."

"For now."

"Nope, for always. I love you, sweetums."

"I love you, too. Now get my bikini. Help a girl out and I'll remember it when you are asking me to hold your hair while you puke your guts out from an out of control hormonal overload."

"Which means you can't be out of your mind too. This only works if one of us has their wits about her."

"And it has to work, it's not just us anymore," Piper replied while Alex pulled out the blonde's skimpy red striped bikini and threw it at her then smiled and winked before her anger could fully register while she pulled out her lowcut black tankini that always showed off just a hint of her creamy skin on her hips when she moved. The two women cuddled in each other's arms in the hot tub until it closed. Piper tried to ignore the young doctors and executives staring too long at the lesbians making out but she wouldn't trade how good it felt to be out and able to touch her wife whenever she wanted.

The next morning Alex was trembling on an exam table with her legs in the stirrups and a thin sheet barely covering her waist.

"Would it be too much to ask for them to leave me alone with a bottle of bourbon? I'll even settle for rock gut shit. I'm not asking for Henny or French champagne. This shit seriously blows. They won't even give me the Valium because I was honest about being an addict. I hope they don't try to pull that crap when the little assholes are working their way out. Which if they don't fucking give me something for my nerves soon will be a moot point."

"Plotting your escape, Vause?"

"I'm too wound up and it's starting to fuck with my brain and remind me of all the times I've ever been held down and if I make it to a guard fighting with a doctor over whether they can handcuff my other arm to the bed I may never come back mentally."

"Let me take care of it. The plus of being bi is I know what both sexes want."

"Go flirt but no kissing, do whatever you have to but you better bring me some fucking drugs. Prove to me that I taught you a thing or two about making a drug deal. Or I'll remind you of what I do to little girls who fuck up my deals."

"Yes, ma'am. Be right back, my love."

"You got this shit, babe. Go make momma proud."

Piper came back a few minutes later with a cute young redheaded female nurse with a small white cup, "So, your wife tells me you are experiencing some discomfort."

"My anxiety is acting up. I have PTSD from an assault or should I say a series of them."

"The doctors don't think we should give you anything controlled but luckily, my nursing supervisor is a tough bitch and your wife is quite the strong-willed woman," the redheaded nurse replied.

"Yeah, except for the bum uterus she's perfect."

"So we got you some Ativan because we're trusting that your wife was truthful when she said you had a script for 3 mg but didn't take your morning dose. I'll get you some water," the nurse told Alex with a soothing tone as she rubbed her bad shoulder and the brunette winced a little, "Sorry, I should have asked. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"No, it just acts up when it wants to, which is code for when I'm stressed."

"Have you tried acupuncture?"

"I'm not into that woo-woo bullshit."

"It's better than a relapse," the nurse said with a pained look.

"You?"

"Not supposed to say when I'm on the clock."

"I can sniff out a junkie in two seconds, you didn't have to. And compassion doesn't exist in this world."

"I'd like to think it does. I couldn't do this work if I thought otherwise."

"Then prove me wrong."

"I'm sure I will soon enough. I'll give you a few minutes alone to let the meds work."

Fifteen minutes and about as many kisses later the nurse came back in, "Feeling better, Mrs. Vause-Chapman?"

"I don't know if it's my wife's kisses or the drugs but I'm feeling a lot better. Still could use a drink but I doubt I'll be getting that anytime soon," Alex answered as Piper smiled her mischievous grin she saved for when she was up to no good and rubbed just below her ear and found the tickle spot only she knew existed.

"I'll send the doctor right in then," she told the couple and then left the room. Alex turned her head and gave her the look as best she could while lying on her back, "Explain yourself, Pipes."

"Can't I just be sweet to my woman cause I love her so much?"

"Sure, sociopath."

"There's the woman I married. All sexiness and sarcasm. I've never been more in love with you than I am right now."

"Sit on my face."

"Now?"

"When you get home, horndog. Face forward I want to see those titties bobbing while you fuck my face and watch you try to hold back your screams. Just think if you would just call the relator you could scream all you want."

"Shouldn't you be the one getting fucked though?"

"Wouldn't want you to Roto-Rooter the little fuckers out with that tongue of yours and I don't think I'm gonna be up for being touched for a while after this."

"It's okay. I know this all so surreal but this is a good thing and I'll be here the whole time. And as long as I get to cuddle the shit out of you, I'm fine. Just you had better put out eventually because I didn't come out, fight the system and wife you up not to eat your pussy when I'm feeling famished."

"Like I could ever stop having needs only you can bring out."

"Is that code for I bring out your inner bottom," Piper teased as a man in a white coat walked in.

"And we're saved by the doc. I've never been more glad to see a man who could get me pregnant in my life."

"Oh, I see we have a comedian in our midst. Sorry to keep you ladies waiting," the doctor told us as he checked his instruments and grabbed for gloves, "the embryos look good, one is even starting to hatch."

"That's good," both women asked in perfect sync with the same worried tone.

"Excellent. And the other one looks good, just not dividing as fast, still an excellent quality embryo. I am very optimistic about your chances of this transfer taking. Let's give your lining one last check," Alex rolled her eyes as he took the ultrasound in his hand.

"Hey doc, if you're not gonna buy me a drink first can you at least use extra lube?"

"I'll see what I can do. And I'll be gentle," Alex grabbed Piper's hand hard as he slid the probe inside her and the brunette tried to hide her urge to cry and her trembling lip.

"It's okay, baby," Piper whispered even though she knew all the reasons it wasn't. She knew this was hard for her and that it brought her to places only she knew about. Having Alex's trust and being the guardian of her heart was a burden and a curse. Alex didn't watch as the embryos were transferred into her, she wanted to but she couldn't bring herself to watch as they floated into her womb, intent on getting comfy and changing their lives forever. The brunette couldn't stop feeling that she had failed them in her first moments as their mother. As the doctor left the two of them alone, Alex couldn't stop thinking that they would sense she didn't love them or want them inside her when that couldn't be further from the truth. She took a nap until a nurse came for them. In the early morning hours, Piper got up to pee and saw Alex rubbing her belly and telling the embryos in her womb that she was sorry and they were wanted and that they had her permission to make the next nine months of her life hell for being unable to watch the moment she technically became pregnant and think it was magical. Piper was going to get ready to go for a run but cuddling Alex seemed more fun and besides, she needed her. But of course, because she knew her wife she climbed under the covers and laid her head on Alex's chest so the woman could at least have the illusion that she was the big spoon.


End file.
